Limbo…
May 7, 2009 by admin
Filed under Entertainment, Life, Musings, TV
According to Roman Catholic theology, the term limbo refers to lingering on the edge of hell. Though an appropriate definition at times, the modern vernacular softens the meaning a little and defines “limbo” as where a person or proposal is held up and nothing can be done until another action happens. Lately, it seems that from my place of employment to my sources of entertainment, limbo is my state of residence, and I don’t want to live here anymore.
Several months ago the board members of my company voted to amend the corporate personnel policy manual to include same-sex partners on the list of eligible recipients of benefits offered to dependents of employees. A senior board member with veto power added an amendment to include unmarried, heterosexual couples. He stated that it was unfair to exclude this group, even though these individuals have the choice to get married or apply for benefits through our state’s Common Law Marriage Act which is so lenient the requirements to claim eligibility are as simple as carpooling to work for a week. Before this amendment was included, estimates showed that out of the 6,000 employees as few as 12 same-sex beneficiaries would in all likelihood be added to the list…perhaps fewer as so many of us wish to remain anonymous in our places of employment. By adding heterosexual couples to this proposal, there is no way to determine the number of applicants or the incurred costs. In light of the current economic downturn, the human resources department has been tasked by the board to determine the definition of “family” so as to discern eligible members and relevant costs. As far as I know, the Supreme Court has yet to determine the legal definition of family, so what makes the board and human resources believe they can? In addition, the current personnel policies manual defines “dependent” explicitly. Does this mean only the same-sex family requires an approved definition? Will the definition of family differ from one group to another? In the meantime, partners are losing their employment in association with current waves of corporate downsizing, and families are suffering. Welcome to limbo.
Lately, I have been writing and guest blogging on the Guiding Light storyline pairing of the characters Olivia Spencer, and Natalia Rivera. From its inception, the producers, writers, and actors have billed this story as having no labels. It’s just your tired, average, run of the mill, woman falls in love with woman storyline that we see all the time. Right? Wrong. The declaration of such a barren epithet rings as hollow as the naked emperor and his pronouncement of new clothes. Otherwise, why would an entire realm of viewers, comprised largely of lesbians from around the world, create a 4,000 member social network centered on these two characters? In a community marginalized by mainstream media, we are hungry for any representation other than sweeps ratings grabs aimed at the titillation of males in the 18 – 35 demographic. Ok, so you hooked me, I am invested. I made a promise that wherever you take these characters I will follow with my consumer dollars. In exchange I get to see part of myself up on the screen. I get to follow my struggle portrayed in a mature way that is loving, true, and honest…well, as true and honest as a soap opera can be. I, as a viewer, have accepted my responsibility in this corporate relationship, and I would like for GL to accept their responsibility as well…and move forward. I am no novice to the soap world. I accept and embrace Agnes Nixon’s mantra of “make them laugh, make them cry…and make them wait.” But in the angst created from the wait, don’t patronize me. Don’t tell me there is a fine line to walk. I carry in my heart the ones who walked this line in reality but were not strong enough to come out on the other side unharmed by society’s wrath. Not only do I want truth and honesty in the storytelling, I want courage…the same courage so many of us don everyday to move forward in our own lives. Do not bring me to the edge then leave me there to balance as you run back to safety. GL, do not leave me in limbo. Move forward and feed the hunger in my community. I assure you there is no satiety in mere crumbs.
Wow. I feel your anger and can’t argue that your position isn’t fully valid. Speaking as an unlabeled human female who believes in human rights for all and the unqualifed right for all people to pursue their particular happiness, I get it. I am blown away that in America it is still “ok” to separate groups of people for different treatment under the law.
I’m not sure that Otalia needs to carry that banner forward though. That the story has meandered and continues to work painfully slowly to a fully realized same sex couple is working its own particular miracle of human understanding. I believe the couple is gradually getting to a place where what they are in the world and to each other is obvious. To ask them to make a bold declaration at this time I believe goes against what they’re trying to say.
It is frustrating for Otalia to not move forward as fast as we would all like (and I am the least patient person on the planet) but I don’t feel as much like they’re walking a fine line as I think they’re having to proceed slowly due to some unusual constraints, including Jessica Leccia’s eleventy-month pregnancy. The podcast on BPD’s BPP last night partially slaked my thirst. I feel a bit more at ease with where things are with Otalia now that there is assurance from the Goddess that things will move forward, and she seems like a genuinely LGBT-sympathetic (not the right word but all I can come up with right this sec) person. I hesitate to put the whole move-us-forward mantle on Otalia’s shoulders, they’re doing so much to open hearts and minds as it is.
I’m sad to read about your corporate situation. Don’t hate me… I’m one of those who remains anonymous for now, as I live in a state seems to be moving backward legislatively and is chock full o’ homo-hatin’ rednecks. Some are co-workers, some are neighbors. But Otalia has made me think more about what it would mean to come out. I’m dreaming lots of big purple dreams.
I LOVE your blog, and your recaps. I live for them almost as much as the precious moments we get of Otalia. Keep up the fantastic work!
Yes, the legal limbos all over the country are many – my partner and I are still married in California, but as to the future and how that will being interpreted legally, no one yet knows. Unfortunately legal limbo is a regular place to be for most of us.
But I’m hesitant to overlap Otalia’s limbo in such a way. From my own experience as one-half of a straight friendship that became a romantic one (first time for both of us), we did this limbo thing, and I swear to you, they’re actually handling this really well (if anything its scarily omniscient). I have 20/20 hindsight and many years as a couple to know we made the right choice and I couldn’t be happier. but it is different when you come to it later if life, and she had sons who would be affected by it, and it took us a bit to get there. My girl actually said, while watching GL that she thought they were actually moving faster than we did (urk). I never thought stories like ours would ever find its way to any screen, so I’m completely grateful. But as with any type of representation, they can’t be every-lesbian, and I know not everyone will have the same perspective that I have. Limbo is PAINFUL, but because of that, one cannot stay there forever, and change will happen…I hope we call can stick by and be patient with them, they need all the support they can get to do the right thing.
Having heard the recent podcast with Crystal I believe this story is moving forward to a full blown relationship. i think this is merely the natural step in these two characters love story. It might not be my experience but it is not my love story but Olivia and Natalia. I think as the summer moves to fall it will be very clear and very beautiful and this stage in the story will be that middle chapter of a great romance novel that has lots of twists and turns.
Now as for the state of our country that is another topic all together. I wish that this country could get religion out of it’s court rooms and political offices. I wish our own president would step up and get people moving towards the over turning of Don’t Ask Don’t Tell… and that his desire to help the American Family includes helping ALL American families.
If it were me – I would be writing President Obama and telling him of your journey with your company. Understand the pain and pressure being placed on your family because of this situation. Yeah – he’s busy – so what – you have an issue and he is your president.
love you!
I agree wholeheartedly. After this week, it is even more proof of the limbo of which you speak. I am afraid they are playing this too safe, the S/L just doesn’t ring true anymore. However, I too am invested, and will watch every digit caress and shoulder sweep with a sigh, and a smirk. Thanks for your recaps, they are refreshing, insightful, and funny as hell…