No Labels
I have been hearing quite a bit lately about labels. Labels are everywhere, from the cereal I eat to the fabulous new shoes I bought. I use labels to make sure I wash my clothes so they don’t come out looking like toddler apparel. I use labels to ensure I am getting my recommended daily allowance of all that is good for me. My virtual girlfriend, Jillian Michaels, taught me that in all those weekly product placements on Biggest Loser. I just can’t get away from labels.
The same can be said about societal labels. We are all subject to labels just as the food we eat and the laundry soap we choose. From the time I came out at the Junior League’s cotillion until the time I came out for good, I have always been labeled. Most of the time, I had little say in the matter. As if a can of green beans, I was marked with a societal insignia that is mass-produced with a generalization about what is inside. I don’t think it is a stretch to infer that has happened to everyone. Labels such as geek, loner, popular, wealthy, jock, pretty, plain, fat, skinny, and millions more are all part of our school years. We spend so much of our time trying to scrape off those labels, but no matter how hard we try, or what we accomplish in life, only the first layer of the label comes off, and we are left with that white glue part that is never fully removed.
As regular readers of this blog can attest, I comment quite a bit on Guiding Light’s storyline of OTALIA. When you get past the demon possession, the alien abductions, and the coming back from the dead, soaps can be a microcosm of the society that envelops us. On the heels of other daytime, same-sex storylines, Guiding Light has quietly stepped through the door the others had to kick their way through. Guiding Light has been keenly careful in its attempt to market this same-sex coupling as label-less. I believe that approach is just short of genius. By leaving OTALIA naked, so to speak, it allows the network and the producers the unofficial luxury of placing it in the hands of the viewers to apply the label. And let’s face it, no matter how Telenext, CBS, or Guiding Light decides to doctor the spin, we, and I mean the collective we, would diagnose it the way we see it anyway.
I have read in recent days where some closet OTALIA viewers or fans of the other network’s team, this competition of sorts mystifies me, have publicly chided CBS and Guiding Light for this tactic trying to force some kind of official statement. It will never happen. By staying pat on some kind of official moniker, the powers that be allow thousands of different labels to be applied, each and every one placed by a different viewer. It’s personal and assumes ownership, and it allows infinite boundaries. Why confine this storyline to the two dimensional signal of its origin?
Oh, and let’s face it, who really comes out any more? You just are. A confident courage is the new rainbow flag. I didn’t send out any formal announcements letting the new neighbors know I am a lesbian, I just baked them muffins and introduced them to my soul mate of many years. When did Jodie Foster officially announce her pride on The View, I must have missed it? I am not so naïve that I would expect everyone to live as I live. I judge no one. Living our lives openly and honestly is the most difficult and the most courageous decision one can make. It is a personal truth that involves deep introspection. It does not come easy. Easy, is allowing a corporate entity the power to do that for us.
I believe the OTALIA characters are trying to define their relationship, not label it. Labels are superficial and cover the surface, but defining a relationship goes to the core of its foundation. Upon that foundation the careful construction of a lasting relationship begins. True, the pace is excruciatingly and frustratingly slow, but I have to remind myself at times that a definition runs deep in the best of reality. This is a daytime drama where the only thing done with any semblance of speed is aging small children at the whim of script development.
Some can question my knowledge of the daytime drama, and to that, I say, that’s fine, it’s not rocket science…though I do know a great deal about rocket science, so maybe I should find a new metaphor. I’m not really sure how you become an expert on soaps other than to watch them, or if there is some class to take. I guess I could expound upon my experience by soap-couple name-dropping the likes of Tara and Phil, and Jenny and Greg, but that just makes me sound old. I have experienced quite a bit of life in my years, so maybe that allows me to elaborate on life situations personified on screen, but that doesn’t make me unique either. Perhaps there is no expert ranking, just varying degrees of fandom. As a fan of the genre, I admit I am enjoying the opportunity to watch and at times question a storyline that parallels my life experiences in so many ways.
So, back to labels. We all have them, we all assign them, and we all run from them. Labels are better left to nutritional information and haute catoure. When applied socially, these sticky notes are most times erroneous first impressions imprinted with little thought of what lies beneath the exterior. Why must we be so concerned with applying labels? Maybe we should all follow Guiding Light’s example, though probably with a different motivation, and resist the urge of reactionary characterization.
This post made me teary. If we could all live label free it would be a better world, as labels applied to people do little except separate us from each other.
I cringe a little when commenters or posters label Otalia as lesbians, but NOT because there would be anything wrong with them if they were. Perhaps they are. My heart tells me they are simply two people who fell in love with each other’s mind and heart and being so strongly and deeply that they could no longer partition their love the way society says it should be. I like them label-free, myself, although I think it would be equally wonderful if in the future they decided they are of the lesbianese persuasion.
I heart you more every week and I’m trying to stay in my skin while waiting for the recap. *takes deep cleansing breaths*
Also, your new metaphor could be quantum physics, but you probably know about that too. Brain surgery?
Great article….
“I believe the OTALIA characters are trying to define their relationship, not label it. Labels are superficial and cover the surface, but defining a relationship goes to the core of its foundation.”
very well said.
Great, great post….
The biggest reason my hubby and I love Otalia is that was presented as label free. My husband is about to become and elementary school teacher. He is taking the lessons he has learned from Otalia to apply it in his classroom to teach kids to be label free.
Wow, this is exactly how I feel about Otalia and their label-less love. Thank you for putting it out there so articulately and eloquently.
And DocT, that is so awesome about your hubby! Otalia really is changing the world!
Well put! This is a great article. IMHO, the only thing that labels achieve is either to alienate people or to pigeonhole them. I don’t think I would be invested if it was so. Otalia has proven that love is love no matter who you’re with. There’s no need to put a stamp to it.
Once again…you hit right to the heart! I agree totally with you and see no reason for GL to define the Otalia story with a label. It’s being told with such heart and caution and beauty, so unlike the other soap story that recently told it’s story with labels and sensationalism, so far away from any real life experiences. Brava GL, for your realistic approach to every day life! And brava to you mindschmootz for explaining it perfectly!!
Very moved by this thoughtful piece. You really know how to break things down. Wonderful post!
Just came from reading your OTALIA mini-cap over at AE where I saw this link in the comments, which reminded me that I really do need to check in here more often, as I hadn’t seen this article as yet.
Beautifully stated article on labels, and I would have to agree. It’s a testament to the commitment of the writers/producers of GL that they continue to keep OTALIA as label-free as possible. It is helping many viewers, that might otherwise be turned off to the storyline, to see these 2 women in their life’s journey finding an unexpected love along the way.
If only real life could be as free of personal or societal labels as this, we’d have a much better and freer world. Thanks for expressing things so well. It’s a real pleasure reading your thoughts on things.
Great Post! I whole heartedly agree!
Another great post. I am so thankful to AfterEllen and Otalia for bringing us your voice. Your words are not only insightful, but hilarious! Enough gushing though.
The only other comment I wanted to make was on your last sentence of your post, “Maybe we should all follow Guiding Light’s example, though probably with a different motivation… ”
It’s the motivation behind Guiding Light’s decision to be label free that I am hung up on. I believe that this anti-definition stance is the cop out the soap is using to justify the couple’s frustratingly slow progression. It is an innate homophobia that is the motivation, not some desire to, like you say show a couple “defining their relationship”. Their motivation is based upon fear, not enlightenment. Fear of alienation from those who would be put off with such a label, Fear of losing advertiser dollars, if the relationship was more sexual..Fear of whatever….So even as I take in your wonderfully insightful blog post into consideration: Sometimes..If it walks like a duck, and it talks like a duck…
All I can say is, Ducks would be “swimming” by now…
Good article. To bad we label anybody in this country. Why put labels on anything.
And as I see it there is no innate homophobia or why do the story at all?
They are merely following the path towards the journey present for these two women.
The first 2 minutes of today’s episode seem to explain very well why from a script standpoint these characters can’t yet define what they are to each other yet. A whole lot of fear – yes – but for the characters.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NZQY5LfKvRc
Olivia is afraid of opening her heart fully and having Natalia walk away especially with Rafe coming home. And especially when you consider Olivia’s backstory.
Natalia is afraid of many of the understandable social and family pressures that are ingrained in her from her upbringing on. All of which are highlighted in her recent conversations with Olivia here at the 1:20 mark
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vKS7w67Gpyw&feature=channel_page
The slow pace is fear alright but the fear that two fictional characters have for their future and not some defined corporate conspiracy.
It’s all in the telling…
Are we all not just God’s children? We are men and women, Irish, Indian, Japanese, Hispanic, African American and so forth. We love who we love, right, wrong or indifferent. What’s the old saying…”Don’t criticize me until you’ve walked a mile in my shoes.” Come on everyone, why can’t we all just be people? There’s enough tragedy and sadness in the world. Why condemn anyone for who they love, at least they do love and in the end, isn’t that what it’s all about?
As I think your meditation about labels suggests, I’m somewhat ambivalent about them.
No, persons should not be defined by labels. But we can’t ignore them, either. It’s as if we need to KNOW the labels, in order to transcend them.
For that reason, I’m actually really glad that Doris, week before last, asked Natalia that pointed question: “What do YOU think you are?”
Neither Olivia nor Natalia may ever use the term “lesbian” to describe themselves (either because they want to stay label-free, or just because it doesn’t fit. My gut take, however, is that of the two of them, it may be *Natalia* who at some point embraces the term for herself. Whatever JLH decides! *g*).
…but they both need to be AWARE of the term (particularly as in “lesbian relationship”, which they almost inarguably are moving—Too Slowly, fer shur!—into), if only to react against it.
Or not.
Labels CAN be awfully convenient, and time&labor-saving!
Appreciate your blog and recaps, mindschmootz/m dawson!
Wow all I can is Wow.
Wow, what a powerful blog. It’s so true and honest and real. thank you.
Great piece!
What you say is so true – do we really ‘come out’ anymore? Perhaps to family, but even then? My family came to know about my life by just knowing me – and they felt comfortable with learning I was gay (and HAPPY)in a quiet, non-confrontational way.
And when you think about it, why should we state our sexual preference at every opportunity? LOL. Why should I walk up to a stranger (a new neighbour, a work colleague, a doctor, a whatever) and say, ‘Oh, by the way, I’m a lesbian you know!’. I don’t expect (nor do I want) people I’ve just met to declare their sexual orientation to me! No thanks.
So, I give the neighbour’s kids a lift home if I see them at a bus stop; my partner makes a wedding cake for another neighbour’s daughter; we organise the cutting of the grass verges around our estate….we’re just members of the community. We’re respected, liked (I think!lol), invited, included and recognised as a couple. No megafone necessary!
So yes, I agree; GL’s approach to Otalia has been little short of genius. Unique and extraordinary. The slow build has been great.
Having said that, I am a member of TEAM JUST KISS HER ALREADY! Lmao.
Wow, that was a brilliant blog post! Thank you! Insighful, funny and I agree with it completely.
If I wasn’t already in awe, this post would do it.
And you bake muffins too? *thud*
If food has a label, it is probably no good for you (processed and full of chemicals). Same goes for people.
Thank-you. You just pretty much summed up how I feel..I am going to save this and make my friends and family read because I don’t think I could explain things any better.
“”Totts Says:Great piece! What you say is so true – do we really ‘come out’ anymore?…
And when you think about it, why should we state our sexual preference at every opportunity? LOL. Why should I walk up to a stranger (a new neighbour, a work colleague, a doctor, a whatever) and say, ‘Oh, by the way, I’m a lesbian you know!’.”
Respectfully I think this is glib and dismissive of those of us who still live in quite hostile environments where our sexual identity could be a very big problem for our families and neighbors. I am thrilled beyond words that it is different for many now -really!
I don’t have the particular need to announce myself to them, and by nature I’m a private person, but what I KNOW is that they assume I am straight, and what I KNOW is that it would be a HUGE negative deal for them if they knew I was not.
“I don’t expect (nor do I want) people I’ve just met to declare their sexual orientation to me! No thanks.”
I don’t really need to know that either, but I DO need to know if they will decide they need to beat me up, evict me from my home or fire me from my job if they know mine. Do delude yourself into thinking this no longer happens because it does.
“So, I give the neighbour’s kids a lift home if I see them at a bus stop; my partner makes a wedding cake for another neighbour’s daughter; we organise the cutting of the grass verges around our estate….we’re just members of the community. We’re respected, liked (I think!lol), invited, included and recognised as a couple. No megafone necessary!”
I am so very glad that you are benefiting from those who went before you and had the courage to claim their identity, yes occaisionally with a megaphone [harvey milk comes to mind] so that enough people now are “used to it” so you can have a pocket of normalcy to live in. But there are still people around in many places that would not let you anywhere near their children, who would not eat a cake you made, who would never think of you as part of their community no matter how great you are [and I am sure you are.]
I think the GL Otalia story is great as it, I love it and would not change a think about it. But it is one experience, one story. I think the characters are afraid about their relationship BOTH because of the personal implications and character arcs, but ALSO because they know that no matter WHAT they call themselves, they will be treated by some with homophobic reactions. They have already gotten a snootful of that from Frank “going down the wrong path” Cooper and they can expect it from Alan. Olivia fears it from Philip and even though I think that fear is unfounded it drives her actions.
Someday we may live in a label free utopia – we are not there yet. This story may help us along the way, but please don’t get carried away and think it applies directly to the experience of all same sex couples. There are still some of us out here getting the crap kicked out of us every day.
I don’t think any person commenting or the blogger here is saying that it directly applies to all – I think instead – like perhaps you are also trying to say – it is by not using words but by using actions slowly and realistically told that the genius of this story is revealed.
I am sorry to hear you live in a ‘place’ where your experience appears to be so negative. Hopefully it is because of tales like Otalia or in communities where the two soccer moms or the neighbor, who nicely gives a lift home, that opinions in this world can change.
I also would be careful going as so far to assume a person’s age. Something tells me the geography, community and circumstances have way more to do with the acceptance some who have posted here feel then simply the journey tread by ‘those who came before’. I, for one, know brave people in same-sex partnerships or brave people who are advocates for the LGBT community that range from their 60′s to their teens and each of them, in how they walk through their life, is finding ways to slowly break down those walls – no matter which decade they were born.
Wonderful post. Thanks for sharing!
I like the no label aspect of Otalia. It does leave it open for the viewer to decide. For the moment anyway. I would like to see them embrace the term lesbian down the road however. Once they both get to that point.
My religion is about love….
This speaks volumes—thanks for the insightful posting.
–Mari SanGiovanni
Author of: “Greetings From Jamaica, Wish You Were Queer…”
Great piece! Some very poingant points and imageries.
This is such a complicated and important subject. Like you said: we all struggle with labels on daily basis. And we can never fully escape them.
Yet labels are not inherently bad: They serve their functions. We just need to make sure they don’t blind us to the deeper and often far more significant qualities that lie beneath…
I could not have said it better! Beautifully articulated! Words are sacred, but sometimes we really don’t need them to define who we are. We just are! Hope that makes sense. Thank you!
Thanks so much for this! I appreciated your mention of Phil & Tara and Jenny & Greg because I loved them and the Otalia story reminds me so much of the way those stories were told.