‘Roid Rage for Change: Democrats Need Performance Enhancement
The New York Times is reporting that Manny Ramirez and David Ortiz are two of the 100 Major League Baseball players to test positive for performance-enhancing drugs in 2003. I have to ask, are we surprised? And better yet, do we care?
Manny missed fifty games of this season serving out a punishment handed down for testing positive for a female fertility drug. According to the Times article since returning from his suspension, Ramirez has been widely accepted by the fans of Dodger blue, and in 48 games this season, he has compiled a .327 average and has hit 11 home runs.
This got me thinking. Considering Congress’ pitiful approval ratings, perhaps the boys of summer recess should pump a little performance enhancement while they are back home in their districts.
Maybe a little ‘roid rage is what we need to get these Blue Dogs off the porch. Perhaps Jared Polis, the freshman Congressman from Colorado, can develop a little progressive pride in the pursuit of a national public option for healthcare instead of hiding behind the assurance of a state co-op that he will never have to vote on. And yes, Betsy Markey (D-CO), you may develop “cankles”, but wouldn’t it be worth it to confidently step up to the plate.
After the American revolution in November, Democrats were given a mandate, we want change. Change is not asking the same old Republican no-hitters if we have their permission. if juice is the answer, then so be it, juice away.
Come back from this recess a new team of confident players with a desire to impress the fans by knocking one out of the park instead of accepting the occasional bloop single. We want better numbers on healthcare, the economy, civil and personal rights, and international justice.
Say yes to drugs. Take whatever you need…HCG, HGH, stimulants. I’m sure there’s a right wing radio talk host or two that can hook you up. Do whatever it takes to transform yourselves from the Bad News Bureaucrats to the champions we put into office. If the people of Los Angeles can stay faithful to their slugging girl in Dodger Blue, the American people will have no problem supporting the winning percentage of a politician who performs.
