Carly Cap #2: A Slow Boat to Salem
October 16, 2009 by admin
Filed under Entertainment, TV
Hot off the press of the Worldly Journal is a 20 year old picture of the murdered Lawrence Alamain and the report of Global Airlines Flight 816 making an emergency landing. As a felon on the run, Carly’s urgency to get back to the midwest is of utmost importance, so she secures passage on the next…boat? I’m still not quite sure why Carly couldn’t have just taken another flight from the airport. Perhaps it was all that mumbling about Bo, and the invariable Mensa member at the service counter thought she said “boat”. Just when I thought this plot couldn’t get any more plodding, Carly is somewhere west of the Mediterranean on a very SLOW boat to Salem.
Nautically searching for her guiding light, Carly finds Omar instead. Omar owes Carly at least five days on a boat for a 10 hour surgery several years ago. There was something about a life for a life. She explains to him that she is an international escapee on the sacrificial lamb from murdering her husband, the powerful Alamain. Omar says, OK, I’m sure you had a good reason. That 10 hour surgery must have been a lobotomy.
Omar later enters Carly’s room holding a tray, “Coffee?” I thought this wasn’t supposed to be a gay storyline? Carly says caffeine makes her jittery. She is a wanted woman, and Alamain’s reach is far. Rumor has it Alamain procured Mayor Wolfe’s goons and they are pissed they are now unemployed and without health care benefits. They won’t rest until they find the knife plunging princess. Carly wants to make a phone call, but any communication could give away their location. No Twitter? Carly needs to get to Bo in record time. Any chance of a tail wind?
Carly is looking through papers that she quickly conceals behind the sofa cushions. She is checking the script to see when this thing will get better. The monotony is broken by three long blasts of the vessel’s horn…man overboard. There is a body in the water. Carly says bring him on board…to hell with her security, she took an oath to save lives. The Hippocratic oath says to first do no harm…too late, this is killing me. Carly ponders if she saves this life, would it absolve her of taking another? (If I continue to watch and recap, will it absolve me of *EDITED FOR CONTENT*)
Dr. Carly Manning begins CPR 101 on the unidentified drowning victim. The resuscitation step of the Wikipedia list bears a remarkable resemblance to making out considering no one’s cheeks are puffing with air…and it’s obvious the actor is smiling. It gives a whole new meaning to rescue breathing.
Carly assures the victim that he is going to be ok, she is a doctor…an out of practice one…but a doctor. Carly starts to undress the man who they plucked from the frigid waves of the Atlantic. Is this the part of Olivia that CC said she brought with her?
There is more fumbling attempts at CPR…coughing, coughing…but no lung water brought up. Must be swine flu. Carly searches for the floater’s pulse; it’s thready…damn, he sure is moaning and thrashing around for near dead. Carly says they have to get him to the hospital. He is suffering from hypothermia (which I get) and a possible concussion (how do you know).
CPR again on a man who is moaning? Ok, Carly, this is CPR, not a massage. The good doctor instructs Omar to find the first aid kit. Huh? Dr. Carly MacGyver can hook up a defibrillator with a band-aid, a little waxed dental floss, and that battery powered pleasure piece Blake Marler mailed her.
Now the “dying man” is having a flashback. A blonde is washing his chest. He is moaning again, though this time I don’t think it’s from cold. He is saying, “Sssssaaa…”. Carly moves in and asks him his name. Flashback Barbie says, “Rafe.” Every fiber of my being says NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Carly begins to hallucinate Alamain. Oy vey, that man’s do is definitely a Glamor don’t. He accuses Carly of trying to save a life to atone for the one she took. Carly tells him he is nothing but a bad memory and inquires of his new residence in hell. Say hi to all those broadcast network executives.
Carly doesn’t feel guilty for her crime and she has no regrets. She killed Alamain before he was able to kill someone she loves very much. IDK. Alamain asks if that is true why did she run away? And why did she do it so badly? A boat, Carly, really? He warns Carly that his people will find her and punish her. Then he vanishes.
More flashbacks to the blonde. Rafe (ewww) starts mumbling again and says Sam. Carly goes near and asks, “Sam, who is Sam?” Sam I am? Would you could you on a boat? I would not could not on a boat, on a plane, or on this soap.
Carly is afraid the man will be in further danger if he stays with her on the boat. She wants Omar to drop them at the next port so he can be in greater danger with her on land. The purser pulls a gun on Carly. He tells her the tides have turned. Damn, wish I had thought of that line. Punny. He recognizes her as the fugitive wife. Alamain’s inner circle has offered the yeoman $100,000 to eliminate Carly. You just know something is about to happen to this dumb-ass. What idiot accepts dollars instead of euros?
The half-dead human driftwood leaps from his bed and grabs the goon-in-training’s gun giving Carly a window of opportunity to push a well positioned pump into Gopher’s groin. Carly disarms the henchman, and Rafe passes out from the melodrama. She reiterates the need to get him to the hospital. Omar ties up the bad guy and readies the dinghy.
Rafe regains consciousness and keeps mumbling about a baby…dear lord, here we go again.
LMAO..yet another masterpiece! Gopher…god, what a reference. Where’s cute Julie? DOOL is just dragging this story..it could actually be interesting. However, I will continue to watch CC and I will continue to wait for your wonderful Carly Caps. Thank you!!
If it wasn’t for Crystal I couldn’t watch this. And Rafe wtf? Didn’t he join the army?
Decided I don’t like DOOL, thank Goddess Venice starts soon, not sure how much more I can take!
I love you!!!!!!!
LOL! This was brilliant, your recaps are hilarious. Actually much rather read them than watch the show – if it wasn’t for all the CC hotness that is!.. looking forward to the next one.
Hilarious – especially since so much of the DOOL writing is just too painful for words. As you rightly point out St Seuss was more succinct
Well speared!
LMFAO..EVERY PART OF THIS WAS TRUE..WOULD YOU COULD YOU ON A BOAT..SHES BEEN ON HER WAY 2 SALEM FOR ABOUT 2 WEEKS NOW..LMFAO, IM HOPING CC GETS MORE AIRTIME BECAUSE MORE THAN HALF OF THE OTHER ACTORS ON THAT SHOW SUCK..EEK LOL
This was sooo great..I thought I was the only one having problems with the writing.. I’m just watching it for CC(only her scenes)..
LOL….very nice take…i have a hard time hearing the name rafe….it could be such a funny line…when she has to say the name rafe…like ohh no not you again…or i thought you joined the army…something funny for sure…a look of dismay upon her face…flashback drama…
DOOL is absolutely god awful…weep…I will continue to watch for the sake of the goddess..but after 2 weeks I’m finally smart enough to dvr it..Can’t watch any other storyline…so god awful and JOYLESS!!!!and the acting…UGH !! They should have kept GL and ditched DOOL..
amazing caps!
the sad thing is you were spot on! DOOL’s writing is really bad! If it wasn’t for the goddess and your hilarious caps, who the hell would watch that?!?
So yeah I admit, I’ll keep on watching and see what other stuff they can take from Wikipedia and make it look real unnatural!
THANKS for the caps!!!
Friggin’ genius! Thanks for the recappage!
Your recaps are hilarious! Only way I can keep up with DOOL. Really trying to support Crystal but watching this show is painful!
Mindschmootz, you are a genius. Loved your take on the ship that dare not sail the seas or get to port; and the CPR scenes. LMAO.
With GL tanked, we need your DOOL parody!
LMAO!!! Mindschootz, your recaps are hilarious and spot-on!!
I was thinking those papers Carly hid behind the sofa cussions is the script…to Venice. CC brought it with her knowing she’d be at sea for 2 (or more?) weeks.
So much better than watching the show!
You did it again. Made a week of watching Days just for glimpses of CC in a boat (well actually I DVR’d and Youtube’d because really, do you need to see any other god-awful scenes from that show than you really need to?) that much more bearable when I read your column. At least laughing is better than sighing because you have to endure the show just to see CC. Sad really. I remember the days when Days was actually better than this. And yes that was when CC/Carly was on. So maybe there is hope. I just hope they don’t muck up her return like those Days execs did to other returnees
Still *LMAO* at this…beyond brilliant! Thank you sooo much for doing the recap of this show. It’s much more entertaining than watching it, other than when the fabulous Crystal Chappell is on screen. She’s the main reason so many of us started tuning in at all. Love all the snark and the Dr. Seuss references…absolutely on point with everything about the recap. Think this boat might actually be closer to Venice than it is to Salem…it really is slow.
Oh, awesome! Snark ON.
Watching DAYS these past few weeks have truly made me realize how much I miss Guiding Light. Even when the latter turned to crap, it was still more entertaining (or at least engaging and making sense on a relatively human level) than watching these “traditional” soaps.
The things we do for Crystal Chappell. Thank God she’s pretty.
Thanks for the recap! I’ll be sure to check in from time to time to read ‘em!
Thank you SO much for the recaps you make this show bearable!
Can you think of where we know the Omar actor from?
Can’t wait what you have to say about “Bo’s” wonderful acting skillz..the guy actually squints in his conversations..lifts his chin, jerks his head..sigh..where’s Aleks Grant when you need him?
I’m blanking on the Omar actor’s name at the moment (it’s Erik somebody. Avari? He’s from India). He’s done a TON of Sci Fi work (I remembered him from ST:DS9, where he played Dr. Bashir’s father)
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The MOST Important thing to remember re DOOL: it’s paying for Venice. Nuff said!
You are the woman. This was such fun to read, even if CC’s initial story development hasn’t been much fun to watch (except for the sheer desire to see CC). I certainly hope this gets better. As a newcomer to DOOL I must say they haven’t impressed me with the writing. After the initial intro of Carly stabbing Alamain I have felt like looking at the video recaps of CC is all the time I could afford. But I will be hanging in there. I am such a CC fan. Hope the saying “it’s gotta get better” applies.
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