Take Me to the Zu

I am in the midst of writing a blog chronicling my pre-holiday Las Vegas vacation.  When detailing the three Vegas shows I attended, I find one in particular monopolizing my mind and restraining my progress.  It is pervasive, intrusive, and provocative, and it is dominating my brain’s reward circuit with each memory.  I have to stop and purge as this is my brain; this is my brain on Zumanity.

Zumanity is the adults only Cirque du Soleil cabaret that explores the full spectrum of human sexuality…from rein to rainbow.  The pre-show is a don’t miss event of raw interaction between patron and performer, beauty and beast, and yes, a masked and elusively anonymous, red-haired beauty sporting a latex trench coat and not much else.  The lovely platinum reward, Vanessa, sits behind an elevated glassed-in boudoir complete with two way radio and the probing personal questions meant to shock those who pass beneath her rear window.  “Are you two lovers?”, she asked as my partner and I looked up from below.  The awe was in my court as I replied, “Yes.”  I believe had she been wearing pearls, she would have clutched them as she said, “Oh, my!”   The ensuing conversation is better left to the memory of those around us as I would have to charge a subscription fee for the details.  We parted ways well prepared for the performance…and loving Vanessa just a little bit more.

Inside the theater, the Mistress awaits.  Edie, a long, tall, dark-eyed, beauty, employs a delicate blend of sassiness, sexiness, and sauciness that guides the audience beyond their inhibitions to their every fantasy…from conception for some, to fruition for others.  All are calmly welcomed into this comforting womb of acceptance, old, young, straight, gay…other?  The Mistress of Sensuality presides over a circus of sexual sensations that defy gravity and the mammalian senses.  Bodies, beautiful bodies, of all shapes and sizes performing acts of perfection with hoops, straps, poles, and water bowls.

Two beauties cleanse themselves of impurities as they perform an acrobatically erotic ritual inside a glass bowl, the warm water enveloping and cleansing both mind and body as sexual limits are stretched, reached, and reestablished.  Every school-girl fantasy becomes a reality as a myriad of silver hoops are set in motion by the undulations of tartan plaid, and what man (or woman) could continue to watch the “big game” and ignore the pole dance of despair performed on top of the idiot box?  Choreographed to the strapped sounds of ecstasy, auto-erotic bonds are slipped simultaneously with the bonds of gravity.  Chiseled physiques of sheer strength strip-tease the senses into a lusting frenzy of female pheromones.  And then much to my partner’s and my pleasure, Vanessa returns with a milk bath not drawn for those of the lactose intolerant persuasion.

Interspersed among the acts of love, lust, and licentiousness, is the welcomed comic relief of Zumanity’s own resident sex therapists.  From low cost boob-job baggies of single malt complete with nourishment straw, to audience participation sets garnered from pre-show antics, a well deserved release of tension is provided.  In the meantime, Mistress Edie provides her own brand of controlled humor by cavorting with guests, interjecting innuendo, and commenting on the aphrodisia in the air.  And on a personal note, Edie has an ass that would make you want to slap your mamma.  As a result, I just added another half hour to my squat workout and another fifteen minutes of Jillian Michaels fantasy.

The climax of the evening is a culmination of all cast members participating in an in-the-round party of sexual mayhem, a regular Vegas buffet of bawdy feasts.  Tension builds with music and vocals that stimulate an explosion of feeling and the ecstasy of being alive.  Quite frankly, Zumanity is an orgy of pleasure that goes beyond the carnal and hits the G-spot of the soul.

My advice:  Feed your inner animal.  Do not leave Vegas without a trip to the Zu.