As I have been promoting in my blog, the telenovela, Las Aparicio, premiered Tuesday in its entirety on Telemundo.com.  Well, not in its entirety, but that is another blog.   I arrived home Tuesday evening with anticipated intent to watch the complete storylines of the Aparicio women of which I had become so fond.   Instead, I turned on my computer to a litany of lambasting emails and tweets.  Irate readers were venting their frustrations that the fan-site YouTube channels, that got us interested in the drama in the first place, were slowly being removed for copyright infringement.  To say that I was shocked would be to put it mildly, and I hardly ever put things mildly.  I find it difficult to understand a decision to block access, at episode 86 of 120, to a committed fan-base that was so instrumental in getting the series noticed outside of the Spanish-speaking world.

I began blogging on the excellent content, acting, and writing that is Las Aparicio’s same -sex Mariana/Julia story when I was alerted to the series by an international ‘Schmootz reader.  My Venezuelan web pal directed me to a couple of YouTube channels with fan produced English subtitles.  It is not often that quality, dramatic, LGBT content is present in our society, and believe me, if you make it, we will find it…but not without a little help sometimes.  Hence, the fans and the web.  For low budget productions and their limited or uninformed PR staff, the devoted and dedicated fan is the mother-load of free publicity.  Hours upon hours of work go into making these clips, with little want in return other than an occasional shout out and a sporadic thank you.  The commitment of Las Aparicio fans in promoting this series is truly commendable.  Once you get a loud mouth blogger like me to notice, your reach is exponentially broadened as I was contacted by new Las Aparicio fans in the US, Australia, Philippines, Europe, China, the Arabian Peninsula, and the list goes on and on.  With appreciation to your dedicated Las Aparicio fans, my interest was piqued.  My only complaint was that I just didn’t get enough of the other storylines.  I mean, up until this point I have always been a BMW woman, but since I began watching, never have I wanted more to drive a Mercedes.  (Watch, and you will get what I mean.)

Enter Telemundo.com.  In my previous interviews with members of the Las Aparicio cast and writing team, it was revealed that Telemundo.com, the web portion of the American television network that broadcasts in Spanish, contracted to air the series over the web as part of its international internet programming.  Fantastic!  With some of my other favorite programming on hiatus, this will fill the void quite nicely.  At this point, I am invested up to episode 86 of the Mariana/Julia part of the story.  I find it fortunate that I can keep up real-time with the Mariana/Julia YouTube fan channels and watch the whole thing again in context with the other storylines.  ‘Cause you know real-life lesbians, we will watch fantasy lesbians over and over and over again.  I found that the real fantasy, or should I say fallacy, is in my thought process.  I have always touted this show as a drama and not a fairy tale, but perhaps I am wrong.  The clock struck midnight on the YouTube Las Aparicio fansites Tuesday, and the lovely vehicle that carried the magical message of this modern-day love story is no more.

Now, on Friday, we are supposed to hear from the producer, Epigmenio Ibarra, via twitcam, an explanation of the drastic steps unfortunately taken as a result of international distribution.  Hmmm, I wonder if the broadcast will be uploaded to YouTube with English subtitles, because after all, isn’t that really who should be addressed?  Ok, that was a little snarky.  [Edited:  Natassja Ybarra will release an English version twitcam after the producer.  I will let my readers know what time to look for it.] Look, I get it.  As one who appreciates Las Aparicio for the true art form that it is, I want to see the entire series prosper nationally and internationally, via broadcast, and on the net.  I want to see more original content from this talented production team, and that requires a broad based buy-in and money.  I am, however, disappointed that this inevitable evolution from the grassroots has become some semblance of survival of the fittest with the YouTubers lost through a disruptive selection.

I would like to take this time to say thank you to all those fans dedicated enough to be part of the clip capture underground.  It is my hope in Ibarra’s twitcam appearance that he explains, at times, there is also an unfortunate collateral damage incurred to the justice side of this Las Aparicio media revolution.  And in doing so, it is also my hope that he acknowledges the fan’s part in advancing the front line of the battle.  In today’s electronic age, a revolution many times begins with a single shot heard round the world wide web…lock…upload…click.

Las Aparicio fans will be happy to know that writer, Natassja Ybarra, is very forthcoming about the endgame of the Mariana/Julia story of the very popular telenovela.  Will there be a wedding?  Yes.  Are the gay nuptials the last we will see of the couple?  Not at all.  Marriage maybe be the declared victory of this revolution, but life is just beginning for these two characters.  No denying, this is evolution.

Natassja and I talk about the entirety of Las Aparicio and its highly anticipated journey to Telemundo.com, the collaboration of writers as it pertains to all the characters, and what the future holds for other programming.  And of course, we talk about Mariana/Julia/Armando and “polyamor”.  Enjoy.

Las Aparicio will be subtitled in it’s entirety on Telemundo.com beginning August 17th.  Until then, I have listed links to the YouTube channels with subtitles:  love2angel12, nixawme, and scootgirl100.

Thanks to Jeryl for our Schmootzcast intro music “Stay Away From You” from her Radio Friendly CD . Check out all of Jeryl’s music on her MySpace page.

According to an article in The New York Times, CBS is adding three gay roles to its prime time line-up this fall because it is lagging behind the other networks.  Lagging behind?  Sounds like we are the latest technology, and CBS is upgrading to the new 3”G”.  Typical of CBS, in their new quest to keep up with the DeGeneres’, they are already obsolete.  Haven’t they heard that all the gay chic networks are 4G now?

Last week in a sit-down with television media, Nina Tassler, CBS entertainment president, said the network is adding the new gay characters “because we’re very disappointed in our track record so far.”  GLAAD, the Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation, gave CBS a failing grade in its recent report on the quantity and quality of LGBT representation on the network.  This comes as no surprise.  CBS is a network littered with two-note characters in a symphony of cop shows and crime dramas where graphic murder is more often allotted the starring role.  Just how many NCIS’s, Criminal Minds, and CSI (add your geography) are there?

According to Ms. Tassler, CBS is adding a gay character to The Good Wife, a lesbian character to Rules of Engagement and a gay character will be written into the new September sitcom, Shit My Dad Says.  Yes, I really wrote the word.  I have to admit, I am a little confused about the need for inclusion on The Good Wife.  Last season we were given a glimpse of the anticipated development of the bisexual, female investigator and what seemed like the coming out storyline of a gay teenage son.  However, according to AfterElton.com,  Robert King, EP of The Good Wife, says the new gay character will be Alicia Florrick’s (Julianna Margulies) irresponsible, younger brother. When asked how large the part will be, and if we will see this character on a regular basis, King said that he would like to say yes, but, “It really comes down to the schedule of the actor.”  Well, you don’t have to be a Navajo windtalker to break that code.

As I Googled deeper to find out about the lesbian role added to the cast of Rules of Engagement, I had to shake my head a little.  Does a lesbian nuclear chemist move in next door?  No.  Does a lesbian teacher or doctor or therapist become germane to one of the children characters?  No.  Hold on to your fedoras my Sapphic sisters, Jeff and Audrey’s surrogate will be a member of Jeff’s softball team, and she is a lesbian.  Way to step out of the box (so to speak), CBS.  Add that to the fact there is so much anticipatory buzz around the new comedy, Shit My Dad Says, anything short of making William Shatner gay wouldn’t make a ripple.  So, GLAAD, what was that about quality of the always supporting LGBT role?  Honestly, I have my doubts that advocate pressure or, quite frankly, the midnight visits of the gay apparitions of Pride past are the definitive answer to the change in diversity of the corporate owned network heart.

My cynical side says always follow the money.  In a Marketwire.com press release, citing the latest gay and lesbian marketing results, the LGBT community is more optimistic in their economic future and are now ready to begin spending their $743 billion, yes billion, in buying power.  That’s a hell of a lot of Subaru’s, many bytes of the Apple, and quite a few trips to Target…well, maybe not as many trips to Target.

In today’s political atmosphere, a CEO is willing to put a bullseye on his company’s good community reputation in exchange for a couple of campaign contributions, a few corporate-retail tax breaks, and a seat at the tea party next to Michele Bachmann.  Come on CBS, don’t insult my intelligence by telling me you are suddenly dissatisfied with your sparse gay track record.   Except, I might add in your reality shows where you can’t toss an immunity totem over your shoulder without hitting a gay.  Let’s face it, overall consumer confidence is down, but gay confidence is up.

Though I am a cynic at heart, I am always willing to give one the benefit of the doubt.  I think some refer to that as hope.  The Good Wife is a good drama that I actually watch.  It is my hope that CBS will follow through with the show’s LGBT storylines already in development and use the new character as a complement, perhaps as a mentor for the teenage boy.   But, CBS, you have to help me understand; why add a lesbian to the cast of Rules of Engagement?  Do you hear how hysterically ironic that is?  Just in case you haven’t heard from Focus on the Family, Family Research Council, or Michelle Malkin regarding your upgrade to 3G (but I’m sure you have), there is only one engagement rule for gays in this country…thou shalt not.   Now, let’s do something about canceling that reality programming.

I just finished viewing both seasons of We Have To Stop Now starring Jill Bennett and Cathy DeBuono.  And how did it make me feel?  *trying to decide which Freudian defense mechanism to use*

A little while ago, a very good friend, a friend who’s more like family, suggested that I watch We Have To Stop Now, and then she laughed every time she said I would find it familiar.  I simply assumed that she was referring to Jill and Cathy.  I am of course familiar with their body of work…no pun intended.  As I watched episode after episode, I became cognizant of a certain eery, yet humorous, similarity.

In Season One, the web series is based around two married, left-coast-lesbian therapists, Dyna (DeBuono) and Kit (Bennett), who have meandered deeply into the matrimonial abyss only to discover their joint venture publication, How to Succeed in Marriage Without Even Trying, is now on the New York Time’s Best Sellers List.  Desperate as to give the public impression of a successful couple and to maintain some semblance of professional integrity, the two battle-scarred wayfarers of wedded bliss forgo divorce and war it out in couple’s therapy of their own.  The banter with relationship ravaged therapist, Susan (Suzanne Westenhoefer), is back and forth brilliance, and Jill Bennett’s resulting facial expressions alone are worth the price of the DVD.

I personally identify with Dyna.  She is straight-laced (in the strictest of fashion sense) and tailored, intelligent, pet-peeved-intolerant (bordering on compulsive) over the incorrect use of language and grammar, and is no stranger to the Zottman curl.   Kit is a bit quirky, has a large-pore emotional filter, wears the same color shirt quite often, makes “in your best interest” suggestions to Dyna QUITE OFTEN, and has a hugely encompassing heart.  I can identify there as well…I have lived with that same person for years.

Dyna and Kit’s relationship is built upon a strong foundation of mutual respect and great affection for each other…and if either one would just listen to the other for more than the time it takes to semi-automatically reload and pull the emotional trigger, it would be obvious.  Thus my light bulb realization that my friend is correct in her assumption that I would find a familiarity here.  Humorous, yet recognizable, the volleyed snarkiness of response, the selective, in-turn deafness, and the one act, pre-planned power plays are not a symptom of lesbian bed death.  Lord knows there is no problem there.  It’s a symptom of post-seven year itch.  Now that we are done scratching through the rash early years, where do we put our nails…besides into each other.   Ok, maybe I’ve had too much therapy.

The series is written and created by Ann Noble who plays Kit’s stoner sister, Cindy.  I find that Cindy is the unexpected, tough talking, moral character of the show.  Brain cells are not the only thing she is shrinking.  Somehow through the semi-translucent ganja haze, she manages to speak a layman’s psychobabble of therapeutic truth that is often times lost on Dyna and Kit in their 50-minute game of pong with Susan.  Cindy is a dichotomy.  She has a hardened and tough, cut through the bullshit facade with a soft, vulnerable, personal truth-seeking underbelly (often seen because she doesn’t like to wear pants) that makes me wonder from where in the recesses of Ann’s mind, this all comes.  Hmmm, perhaps I will find out some day.

Season Two takes a less comedic turn and cruises into the dramedy waters by expanding the cast and the emotional turmoil.  Family dynamics are extended and difficult questions are beginning to surface like, “Did she?”, “How could she?”, and “Is she?”  As a viewer, I have to be honest and say I prefer the relative comfort that the Season One comedy provides.  However, I realize this is a natural progression into third dimension character development and is a necessary balancing from the happy to the heavyhearted.   As my investment in these characters moves from the familiar to the unfamiliar, so moves my comfort level.  The cliffhanger of Season Two left me with a sense of, “Can we just go back to the fun and the gay?”

So, as I laugh at the humor in my friend’s reference to Season One and packing the Wonder Woman cuffs before she visits me, I am reminded of the serious nature of relationships and marriage.  Same sex, opposite sex, who cares, the emotions and drama of doing the hard work are the same.  This series makes an often times humorous, but poignant point, to show that you can’t succeed in marriage without trying…it is a well-acted, comedic farce to believe that it is possible.

Oh, and I forgot about the hot sex scene between Kit and Dyna.  When Kit goes dow…  I’m sorry, we have to stop now.

Go watch.

When I first heard that TNT was putting together a small screen drama with two female leads I was hopeful, even though I wondered if another investigative cop show wasn’t a bit of a platitude.  Billed as a one-two punch crime solving sisterhood, I considered the potential and tuned in.  I have watched the recently aired episodes, and I am just going to jump right in here and say it, I was hoping for a female buddy series, and pretty much got chum.

My problem is not with Angie Harmon’s cop character, Rizzoli.  She is your typical, run of the mill, over the top, bad-ass, supermodel cop.  My problem is with Sasha Alexander’s medical examiner.  She is supposed to be intelligent and quirky, but comes off merely absurd.

I assume this character is targeted in type to the Fox network’s Temperance Brennan (Bones), but falls well short of the three dimensional mark.  I crave unconventional, smart characters, but this one takes ridiculous to the sublime.  Smart people do often times step to the beat of a different drummer, but this character is a one-woman band of social syncopation.  I for one, expect more.

It probably comes as no surprise that the best part of this show for me is the relationship between Rizzoli and her Italian mother, Angela, played by Lorraine Bracco.  Brassy, intrusive, and over-lovingly nagging, Bracco is a soprano among the low notes.   I love her as the overbearing mom.  Perhaps in coming episodes we will see more of Angela and her perfect rigatoni and less of the fusilli being cooked up between Rizzoli and Isles.

TVLand announced that it has picked up its original, situation comedy, Hot in Cleveland starring Jane Leeves, Wendie Malick, Valerie Bertinelli, and yes, Betty White, for another 20 episode season.  Not since the Cuyahoga River caught fire or since LeBron James clicked his ruby Nikes for Miami, has the city of Cleveland been any hotter.

Three “over forty” best friends, Leeves, Malick, and Bertinelli, set out for a little life assessing, get-away-from-LA, Parisian vacation, only to crash-land in Cleveland, Ohio.  The California girls soon discover a middle America where Botox is associated only with food poisoning, and plastics are nostalgically used for food storage, not body preservation.  Real women not only eat, they eat chili-cheese fries and drink non-light beer.  Yes, Nirvana.

So, the washed up daytime diva of a canceled soap (Malick), the cynical brow artist formally known as the “one who plucked Oprah” (Leeves), and the uninspired, broken-homemaker/author who wrote, 200 Things to do Before You Die, but has never done any of them (Bertinelli), soon decide to cleave themselves from their old lives and begin new ones together in the not so youth conscious Cleveland.  They rent an old home complete with an old, cantankerous caretaker (White), and the hilarity ensues.

Some have pronounced the series as simply The Golden Girls with Betty White now playing the acerbic “Sophia” role, and I say what the hell is wrong with that?  Once again, it works.  Four contemporary, independent women humorously addressing some of the same social issues and real-life situations of their 80’s counterparts…with the timely substitution of dirty martinis for the late-night, kitchen-confessional cheesecake, and Jane Leeves’ legs for Rue McClanahan’s boobs.

Hot in Cleveland hearkens back to a television time pre laugh track and pre crime scene investigation.  It is filmed before a live, yes, live studio audience which allows the home viewer the added benefit of a performance fed off of genuine, emotional interaction.  As I watch through the translucence of tear stained eyes, I can only imagine the immediate comic reaction to Victoria Chase’s (Malick) post emergency MacGyver’ed bikini wax of table candle and dinner napkin.  Or here, as I just want to be on that set.

Betty White is riding a tsunami of resurgence lately, but it is the true ensemble of this talented cast and writing staff that keeps me tuning in.  I love Betty, but even I can grow weary of endless muffin jokes.  Building on the rich history of such combined comedic genius as The Golden Girls, Frazier, The Mary Tyler Moore, Show, and One Day at a Time, each brings a unique skill set that catalyzes the base equation.

TVLand is not the easiest of networks to find in the system, but a good Tivo search is well worth the time.  Wednesday nights at 10:00 Eastern…tune in.  Betty White’s track suits are not the only thing bedazzled.

The biggest obstacle for the web series is obvious…money.  Budget becomes a four letter word of limitation.  Production teams are forced to redirect their creative side from scripts, sets, and location, to the grim task of spinning the corporate short-straw into sponsorship fools’ gold.  As a result, web series creators are faced with the reluctant task of asking the fans to fund the next season of episodes.  A subscription based approach is no easy task in the present economy, and it’s a decision in consideration of the fans not taken lightly.

It comes as no great surprise that the creative minds of the award-winning web series, Anyone But Me, have decided to think outside of the subscription box when soliciting a fan’s financial contribution.  In the historical vein of raising money for worthwhile causes such as public television, Susan Miller and Tina Cesa Ward have produced a three segment web-a-thon to air in half hour segments on July 27, 28, and 29.  The “thon”, as it is known socially, is hosted by the quick wit and well honed solicitation skills of entertainment reporter, Lisa Bernhard.  Fans will be involved by highest bidder in an Anyone But Me public proffering of ABM perks and swag.  Rest assured, there will be other ample opportunities during the three-day-thon to imbue the web series with whatever collateral comes to mind.

As a fan of the show, I have been ruminating over the items up for eBay auction that would convince me to part with my hard earned cash.  A walk-on role is a dream for anyone, but me, for frequent readers of my blog know that I am not one to take direction easily.  A seat at the table of a pre-production read-through would be nice, but I would be tempted to ask too many questions, and Susan Miller would eventually throw me out quicker than labor at a seat at Walmart’s table.  A personal call from the stars?  Not to seem like one of advantage, but that’s part of the job here.  Vivian’s “lezbian” t-shirt?  Nah, I heard that Chely Wright will be selling those on QVC soon.

Other than one particular ABM prop that interests me, but my better three-quarters keeps saying “no” because vintage “home on the range” doesn’t round-up well with our Asian influence decor, I’m having a difficult time deciding my take.  I will say that if there is a fantasy camp item, I’m interested.  Just as baseball enthusiasts pay the big bucks for an opportunity to take to the diamond engaged with the boys of summer, I would find it a priceless endeavor to share a bottle of wine (or two) with the big league dream team of Miller and Ward.  I promise not to spit and scratch…much.  I want to know the commitment required to be a great writer and the necessary vision to be a master of the subtle direction.  I want to know your passion, your pet peeves, and yes, a personal plot device here and there.  And ladies, I’m not beyond a little snarky gossip, either.

So, as one good web-based portmanteau deserves another, I plan to log on to Vivster’s web-a-thon beginning on July 27th.  As I think about it, this pre-produced format for pledges is more like buying stock in a company.  By voluntarily purchasing whatever amount of “shares” I am able, I cumulatively provide the sustainable capital that enables the creative process to continue…for all of us to enjoy.  And my expected dividend?  Simple, the incalculable wealth of uncensored drama and entertainment.  It’s a capital gain.

Last week I was lucky enough to engage in conversation with the lovely Eréndira Ibarra who portrays Mariana, half of the smoldering same-sex super-couple of Julia and Mariana on the telenovela, Las Aparicio.  Take a look:

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As you will hear, Erendira is extremely gracious to this uni-lingual, English-only, American blogger.  We chat about the Mexican soap opera, the truthful, yet controversial storyline of “Juliana”, and the extreme commitment of bilingual fans who take it upon themselves to subtitle the LGBT themed love story.

I blogged about the fact you should be watching, and now it’s verbalized.  This is no fairy tale, this is a soap opera, and there is plenty of drama.  There is no platitude of patronizing head bumping or finger caressing; there is honest passion…and a love triangle that is agonizingly frustrating.  But I can’t stop watching over and over again.

Click the heels. listen, and enjoy.  I know I did.

Las Aparicio will be coming in it’s entirety to Telemundo.com.  Until then, I have listed links to the YouTube channels with subtitles:  love2angel12, nixawme, and scootgirl100

Rafaela (María del Carmen Farías) is the maternal and moral mainstay of the familia.  This “tent-pole” character, along with nanny, Aurelia (Lourdes Villarreal), provide the voice-over narration of wisdom and experience, offering guidance to the foreshadowed emotional turmoil told of the beautiful Aparicio daughters.  I have to stop here and mention the gorgeous scenery of this production.  No, I am not talking about the lovely grounds of the Mexican countryside, I am referring to the Aparicio sisters.  Distractingly resplendent, I find myself rewinding entire time frames as I am lost in the allure.

Central to the storyline, and most of what you will find translated on the web, is the love triangle between the smoldering Julia Aparicio (Liz Gallardo), her sex addicted football-star boyfriend, Armando (Mario Perez de Alba), and her best and childhood friend, Mariana (Erendira Ibarra).  The drama ensues as Julia must decide which intersection is the right one for her.   Mariana, a lesbian with a homophobic and hurtful past, has been quietly in love with Julia most of her life.  Armando enjoys a national celebrity for his sports prowess, but it is his affinity for ball work off the field that gives Julia pause.  It becomes quite evident to the viewer that although Julia’s body belongs to Armando, her heart belongs to Mariana.  Much to this viewer’s delight, Julia’s complete anatomy soon paces up to her full heart when faced with a move with Armando and a life without her best friend.   Two hearts emotionally intertwined are lovely, yes, but the emotional impact of consummated love makes a much more profound and honest statement.  It is true, a soap opera with a same sex relationship that dares to move beyond a little hand-holding and amorous forehead bumping in its telling…a new concept for American audiences.

Hold on Cinderella, as this is an episodic drama and not a fairy tale.  There is no happy ending promised.  A triangle is a load bearing architectural device capable of enduring much weight, and this novella is only half constructed.  Armando follows Julia home and becomes the antagonist to win back her body and her heart.  I say bring it on!  Test this same sex pairing as a soap format would test any relationship.  Pile it high and see what holds.  Julia says she is now a lesbian, but dear god, she can’t even decide what to eat most of the time.  Confusion is her middle name.  As thoughts of Mariana ravage her mind, dreams of Armando ravage her body.  How will she decide?  Who knows, but as I have said time and time again about soap-like dramas and potential partnering, it doesn’t have to be gay, but it damn well better be good.  And this is good.  Muy bien!

As I grew up in the southern United States, my second language is English, so I have to thank all those Las Aparicio fans who have translated most of the episodes, or at least the Julia and Mariana parts.  I appreciate your dedication to get this wonderful series to the masses.  There are rumors that Las Aparicio will be moving to Telemundo.  I can only begin to speculate what controversy that could bring airing on an American television network that broadcasts in Spanish, with sponsors such as WalMart.

I can’t wait for the revolution…

Edited to add links to YouTube sites with English subtitles:  love2angel12, nixawme, and scootgirl100

Ok, I admit it.  I saw an early screening of Eclipse.  I know, I know, I can feel the accusatory fingers of friends pointing in my hypocritical direction, but I must preface this by saying I became involved in a spur of the moment charity event.  A friend of mine was having difficulty filling a theater she had promised the distributor would be a sure sell-out for Gulf Relief.  I am a sucker for all things philanthropic and have a particular knack of helping people part with their money for a worthwhile cause.  I find most people are genuinely giving…and if that doesn’t work, guilt and intimidation never fail me.  Before I get into my blog, as this is a story about viewing the movie, and not about the tragedy off our southern states, I will say that we ALL have to begin to recognize the “I” in environment.  From the plastics we use, to the food choices we make, we all feed our collective crude addiction.  I’m not asking you to sell your car or live in a muc hut, but small choices do make a cumulative difference.  Now, on to the movie.

As I don’t live under the proverbial rock, I am familiar with the Twilight series of teen/young-adult vampire romance novels penned by Stephenie Meyer.  As reading preference goes, I simply prefer the more mature Sookie Stackhouse novels, The Southern Vampire Mysteries.  Eclipse, or partial eclipse for me as I have never seen the previous installments, is a bit of True Blood, the mature-audience HBO Stackhouse series, in training.  There is the love triangle of the confused and vulnerable female lead and the two males who love her, there is the vampire/werewolf antagonist truce called to protect the mortal heroine from extinction, and there is the good verses evil aspect…well, sympathetic evil versus non-sympathetic evil.  Alas, Twilight hasn’t gone gay yet, but let the box office plummet, and I predict the receipts will not be the only thing going down. 

Eclipse is exactly what I thought it would be…a sterilized underworld for the PG-13 crowd as there is no real hemorrhagic carnage when the undesirable vampires explode, there is age and gender specific dialogue to inspire giggles, hoots, and squirming at sexual situations, and of course, well-chiseled teen male bodies shirtless though out the movie.  What I didn’t expect was all the glandular Twilight madness from women in their, well, more twilight years.  I don’t believe I have ever seen so many overly processed coiffures of pre and postmenopausal “poofs” in my life.  I would say that my experience was a people watcher’s dream, but ladies, the tight “Team Jacob” t-shirts and the short-shorts were a bit of a nightmare.  And for all you Constitutional scholars out there, I think you will agree that bedazzled spandex is a privilege, not a right. 

All in all, the movie was entertaining and provided me with blog fodder.  I want to thank the generous and patient 14-year-old who sat next to me.  She was an observer’s delight and gracious (and patient) enough to provide me with background and fill the holes of my limited Twilight experience.  Other than my suggestion of Lost Boys on Netflix, we talked about the environment, our responsibility to it’s stewardship, the affects of an Eclipse on aging hormones, and the most pressing wildlife issue of the night…the unfortunate over-population of Cougars.