Happy Birthday, My Friend

I am interrupting my Cinco de Mayo celebration to wish my friend, Chele, a very happy birthday.  I would mail her a big old gift, but alas, she is off in Chicago managing (as best she can) that petulant purveyor of plastic crap, Ms. Dixie Longate, and her one-woman show, Dixie’s Tupperware Party.  So, I [...]

Poll a Lesbian

I made the comment this weekend that if I was asked one more time about my thoughts regarding LA Laker, Kobe Bryant’s, recent gay-derogatory comments, I would start a ‘Schmootz column entitled, “Poll a Lesbian”.  I say this in jest only in part, and here’s why.  Gustavo Arellano, staff writer for the OC Weekly and [...]

America: A Representative Republic? Or An Idiocracy?

I promised myself that I wouldn’t do it, but I did.  I made a pact with me, all in the name of preserving my somewhat stable mental health, that I would NEVER again look at the results of the average American taking the citizenship test.  I failed, not because I am some kind of masochist, [...]

The Best Christmas Tree Ever

We have a culturally blended household.  The ‘Schmootz family celebrates the eight days of Hanukkah, of course.  Somewhere around Thanksgiving I begin to get a little nervous about the timing.  I’m always checking the calendar to illuminate when the Festival of Lights begins, as it can occur anytime between late November and late December.  I [...]

Be Green or Be Gay – A Conservative Choice For Environmentalism?

Last week, I took a few minutes to read over the science news making headlines.  I know, I hear you, but the ‘Schmootz can’t be all about the sci-fi same-sexploits of Canadian Succubi, lame politics, and the greatest bong hits of a former Disney Diva.  So, hang in there with me, and you might find [...]

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