This week’s cap is dedicated to the memory of Cathie Wagner.  Seems fitting that it should be the best episode week yet.

Carly is missing from the house.  Bo finds the diva Dr. Phil pier counseling a young blond.  Bo reminds Carly of the dangers of the vengeful Alamains.  They make haste from Hannah Montana but not before Carly hugs the ingenue and gives her a bit of advice…something about the best of both worlds.

Auntie Vendetta is traipsing about the woodlands biting the heads off bunnies and chewing scenery.  Gus texts her a picture of Carly embracing the teen.  “Who the hell is that?”  No Disney channel in Alamainland.  Vivian orders her lackey to follow the young lady instead of the tramp.  One hundred and one minutes later, Cruella DeVivian is at the Java Cafe offering her assistance to the fledgling blond pup.  The young stray is leery of the fir-coated stranger and runs away.

Carly is pacing around the room offering to knit Bo a scarf.  She’s good at stitches.  Carly is lamenting killing Lawrence (thank god no flashback); he was someone she once loved very much.  Bo knows choice…and she had to just do it.  Carly says she can’t go back; she can’t leave Salem now.  Considering the information given SOD and SOW this week, she can’t extradite for Days.  Bo gets a call from Justin that someone has confessed to the murder of Lawrence Alamain.  Carly is free.  This doesn’t make sense, it’s lunacy.  Speaking of madness, Vivian, my favorite Eyre apparent, admits to Gus she staged the falsified concession, thereby exonerating Carly and trifling with her head.

(Overly dramatic pity party of Hopelessness intentionally skipped.)

There is a knock on the door and Carly opens it to find jehovah’s bitchness.  Vivian is on a peace mission carrying a lily.  Carly knows hemlock when she sees it.  Vivian says they shouldn’t let a little family dirt come between them.  They should stick together in a time like this. Vivian grabs Carly’s hand, a move if on CBS would be sexual.  Prying Viv’s talons from her wrist, Carly asks if they are tipped in poison.  Vivian is happy Carly has not lost her sense of humor.  Huh?  What?  Is she watching the same old Youtube clips I am?

Vivian walks into the room and comments on the shabby-chic design style…heavy on the shabby, light on the chic.  I think I may be falling in love!  Olivia says getting really, really old, hasn’t mellowed Vivian in the least.  Yes, I said Olivia.   We have all seen glimpses of the character delivery ebb and flow in the past seven weeks, but in this scene with Louise Sorel, we have a torrent of Carlivia!  Finally!  I don’t know whether to thank the goddess or lay sacrifice at the alter of Agnes Nixon.

I cannot serve this part of the recap the justice it deserves by doing anything other than showing the clip.  It would be sacrilege.

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Note to self:  Self, beg Mimi Torchin’s help and get Louise Sorel for a “Schmootz on” interview.  Crystal, I applaud your restraint.  The fact you didn’t break character until the very end is Emmy deserving in itself.

Vivian meets up with Gus at Java.  After three fingers of perk and a double shot of cafe noir, she tells him getting revenge on Carly will be harder than she thought.  She has Bo wrapped around her little finger for now, but I’m pretty sure other body parts are to come.

The beginning of the week can be quickly summed up like this:  Bo to Carly, “You stay in my room.  Carly: “No, I can’t.”  Then: Yes, you can.  No, I can’t.  Yes, you can.  Fine.  Carly to Bo:  “I have to tell Justin”  Bo: “No, you don’t”  Then:  Yes, I do.  No, you don’t.  Yes, I do.  Fine.  Bo leaves to tell Justin, and Carly adjusts Bo’s bed to her own personal sleep number.

While Bo is convincing Justin to help Carly in matters of faux Middle Eastern extradition, the lady of Brady returns to the house.  She is talking to herself about a photo album.  Nice to know the writers share these schizophrenic soliloquies with characters other than Carly.  Before she leaves she decides to look in on her sleeping beau.  Instead, Hope unbearably discovers someone’s been sleeping in her bed.  She finds a formerly fair-haired girl moaning her husband’s name, and by the look on her face, it’s just right.  Hope turns on the light…and there she is!

Got to love it that Carly asks Hope what SHE is doing here.  Hope says this is HER house.  Carly, deducing the obvious, says she knows that.  Carly introduces herself and says this is not what it seems.  Carly tells Hope she is in trouble and Bo is the only person she can turn to.  Hope wants to know why all the secrecy.  Carly explains it was at her request that Bo not say anything.  She murdered Lawrence Alamain (thank god no flashback) and now his men want to avenge that death.  Overkill of this scene puts Hope in danger of a first degree offense herself.

With Carly in the house, Hope is worried for her family’s safety.  Carly says she was under the impression Hope had moved out.  Hope returns Carly’s green-eyed gaze with a monstrous one of her own.  She gets it now.  She moves out; Carly moves in…into her house, into her bed.  Hope is feeling about as out of fashion as a summer white pantsuit after Labor Day.  Hope threatens to have Carly arrested.  She is escorting Carly out of the house when Bo and Justin arrive.  Hope wants to know how Bo could bring that fugitive into their house.  “THEIR house?”  He recalls Hope secretly moving herself and their daughter out to live with a criminal.  Hope says she moved out to give them space to find their way back to each other. Suddenly it becomes all about Hope and her insecurities.  Don’t do as I do, do as I say…something similar to the new state motto of Maine.

Carly explains to Justin why she had to kill Alamain. (thank god no flashback).  She admits that she had to run to keep herself alive.  Hope interrupts and says there is more to Carly’s story.  Hope gives Carly 24 hours to come clean, or it’s her job to turn her in.  Right…Hope, the detective and former bounty hunter, though I can’t envision this character with handcuffs of any kind.  She walked past Carly’s coat without noticing it how many times?  She must have attended the Springfield police academy.

Aunt Vivian is awakened by her manservant with the atrocious accent.  His name is Gus.  Really?  Are they punishing displaced, but loyal, GL fans for some reason?  First Rafe, now Gus, next is Frank, people.  The daytime Norma Desmond threatens to strangle him if this disturbance from slumber is not about Carly Manning.  If she does kill him, we all know who will get his heart.  He informs Vivian they may have located Dr. Manning’s position and will confirm the information shortly.  Viv is disturbed that she doesn’t have specifics.  She wants to know what the hell is shortly…is that next week, next month, next year?  Funny, that is the same way I feel about the pace of this storyline.

Gus returns with the same bad accent and the whereabouts of Carly Manning.  Viv wants to know the location of that murdering guttersnipe.  That’s a great word.  Louise Sorel MUST have brought it with her.  Carly is in Salem.  She is so predictable.  And THAT one is so easy, I will let it go by.  Aunt Vivian sets out to meticulously put together a fool-proof plan, which she says is better than the execution of the plan, because of the anticipation…just like the song.  Viv, focus, you are channeling the wrong Carly.  She pulls it together and begins to think of ways to allow the muse of vengeance to construct the plan that will crush that bitch.  I think I am in love with this character; she had me at guttersnipe.

Hope is sitting in a sulk with Victor.  He asks if Bo threatened her.  Dear lord, now Hope has a flashback…to Carly in bed.  Interesting.  Ok, can we dispense with the flashbacks in return for content with purpose and progression?  Hope admits to Victor that she expected Bo to be missing her more.  But that’s not Bo, he moves on from relationships with no Hope…twice.

Ok, while we are at a lull, where did Carly get the change of clothes?  There is no way, she got those goddess-given contours into the contents of the Brady closet.  Just an observation.  Carly is pacing the floor with anxiety.   She fears that Hope will rat her out,  but Bo reassures Carly she can trust Hope.  Bo gets Carly to sleep.  He covers her with the blanket and goes upstairs.  Carly begins to flash-forward to Lawrence with a dagger in his hand and revenge in his eyes.  Bo runs to protect her and Larry stabs him.  Carly covers the wounds and begins to scream.  Bo awakens Carly from her murderous nightmare.  She stares at her hands.  Out, damned spot.  Carly is now adamant about leaving to protect Bo.  She runs to the door and opens it to Mulder and Scully. They are acting on an anonymous tip that the truth is out there.

Carly Manning, you are under arrest for the murder of Lawrence Alamain…anything you say (even that stuff you say to yourself) can be used against you…