Carly is hired on at the hospital faster than Dick Cheney can criticize the Obama administration.  Carly is nervous about being away from medicine for so long, but proclaims it’s just like riding a bike.  Her first road trip is a woman admitted for chest pains.  Carly diagnoses late night tacos and prescribes rest.  In the meantime, Vivian pays a nut-house call to Dr. Manning.

Trying to make up for lost time, Vivian is carrying a large bouquet.  Carly scoffs at Viv’s tardy display of affection and says, You don’t bring me flowers, you don’t sing me love songs. You hardly talk to me anymore when you come thru the door at the end of the day.  Vivian replies, I remember when… you couldn’t wait to love me, used to hate to leave me now after lovin’ me late at night…*scratch*  Ok, but this could be a funny as hell video!

Cruella de Vivian drops a few subtle hints that she knows a secret.  The constant poking unbalances Carly’s confident new ride.  She backpedals away; gone on the surgical Schwinn.   Carly returns later to dismiss the patient with the bad case of Montezuma’s revenge.  Instead, Carly pulls back the sheet to find a canceled Guiding Light fan.  Carly gasps and begins to question if she is off her wheels.  And why I’m at it, I read somewhere in the twittering soap press that in 2010 Carly will cure AIDS, cancer, and the common cold.  Have they SEEN her do CPR?  I think not.

Assuming that Vivian is behind the body in the bed, Carly runs to Bo for comfort.  I have to cut to the chase here.  I have intentionally omitted all those god awful scenes of Hopelessness. Not even the Christmas season can provoke THAT much sympathy from me. Upon hearing Bo say his marriage is in trouble, Carly admits that she is reluctantly glad, and she is again falling in love with him.  Like a reindeer in the headlights he stares at her.  Embarrassed, Carly turns to leave and spills her purse. (And yes, I am doing a scene mash-up here, so forgive me.  It fits better this way.)  Of course her scroll falls out!  No, that is not a euphemism for tampon, an actual big ass scroll falls out. Bo recognizes it to be their Mayan wedding scroll.  Well, that explains it.  As a lesbian, I carry around our notarized, fake wedding vows, too, just in case.

Christmas Eve comes to the Brady house.  They begin to trim the tree with Horton family heirlooms and Bo sings to himself Grandma Got Runover By a Reindeer…please.  Trying to avoid any more of Hope’s silent treatment night, Bo leaves to find Carly at the dock with Sami, this season’s biggest loser of her baby.

Carly tries to avoid Bo for obvious reasons, but he tells her that someone has been hacking her medical records at the Swiss hospital.  Apparently Switzerland has secret birthing rules as well as secret banking rules.  Carly begins to put Vivian’s comments together and realizes she knows about her daughter.  She vows not to allow Vivian to hurt what’s-her-name; she has murdered once, she will do it again.  Carly is becoming a serial killer like CBS.  Carly begins to fall apart, of course.  Bo comes riding up to the rescue, grabs Carly like a man long deprived of meat, and kisses her.  Stevie Wonder could have seen this storyline coming!  Where is that new independent Carly story?  I know I have friends that are all nostalgic for the 90’s, but come on.  I can see it now, the new improved version of Bo and Carly…Barly, the pairing you have to take with a grain of salt, or Carb, the pairing with no meat.

God bless us…everyone.