In the interview, Crystal is referring to her character, Olivia’s, near naked replacement romp with ex-husband Josh.  Even the most naive water-carrier saw this one coming.  There has been sexual tension between them for weeks, add that to a sexually denied Olivia, the heartbreak of a runaway love interest who is secretly pregnant with a Frank-furter’s baby, and you have the perfect daytime diva distraction.  Hell, if Gus were to suddenly come back to life after a covert undercover assignment with the CIA, I would call this the consummate long-term soap storyline.  Alas, Guiding Light has an expiration date, and that bulb burns out in about a month.

Can you honestly blame Chappell for wanting to shake her money makers a little bit?  She has been wearing restraints for months, and not the good kind.  Her character has been handcuffed so often, she is actually carrying them in her purse.

If nothing else from this article we can garner that the CBS censors are in full tilt.  I believe my previous suspicions are confirmed as even the body positions of this upcoming no-label-required tryst is interrupted by the powers that be.  While Chappell is permitted to take “the girls” out for a well deserved walk, the Standards and Practices allowance is apparently no top.  A simulated spoon is fine, but you better not fabricate a fork.

I have to ask, why?  The demise date on this thing is so close it’s beginning to smell, and CBS is worried about who’s on top?  Could this be corporate push-back to the audacity of hope?  My cynicism not withstanding, there is still quite a bit of hope out there.  Hope that if Josh can have recess with “the girls”, then perhaps at some point in the next month Natalia can come out and play.

Hey, I get it.  “The girls” are back in town but Natalia is not.  In this scene of the “weak”, it’s Josh who gets the booby prize.  What do you think the chances are when Nat gets back that she will get a little “cheek”?

Probably pretty good if you are thinking more face fondling.  At this point to consider any Otalia affection toward a body part other than the face cheek is just asinine.

According to Roman Catholic theology, the term limbo refers to lingering on the edge of hell.  Though an appropriate definition at times, the modern vernacular softens the meaning a little and defines “limbo” as where a person or proposal is held up and nothing can be done until another action happens. Lately, it seems that from my place of employment to my sources of entertainment, limbo is my state of residence, and I don’t want to live here anymore.

Several months ago the board members of my company voted to amend the corporate personnel policy manual to include same-sex partners on the list of eligible recipients of benefits offered to dependents of employees.  A senior board member with veto power added an amendment to include unmarried, heterosexual couples.  He stated that it was unfair to exclude this group, even though these individuals have the choice to get married or apply for benefits through our state’s Common Law Marriage Act which is so lenient the requirements to claim eligibility are as simple as carpooling to work for a week.  Before this amendment was included, estimates showed that out of the 6,000 employees as few as 12 same-sex beneficiaries would in all likelihood be added to the list…perhaps fewer as so many of us wish to remain anonymous in our places of employment.  By adding heterosexual couples to this proposal, there is no way to determine the number of applicants or the incurred costs.  In light of the current economic downturn, the human resources department has been tasked by the board to determine the definition of “family” so as to discern eligible members and relevant costs.  As far as I know, the Supreme Court has yet to determine the legal definition of family, so what makes the board and human resources believe they can?  In addition, the current personnel policies manual defines “dependent” explicitly.  Does this mean only the same-sex family requires an approved definition?  Will the definition of family differ from one group to another?  In the meantime, partners are losing their employment in association with current waves of corporate downsizing, and families are suffering.  Welcome to limbo.

Lately, I have been writing and guest blogging on the Guiding Light storyline pairing of the characters Olivia Spencer, and Natalia Rivera.  From its inception, the producers, writers, and actors have billed this story as having no labels.  It’s just your tired, average, run of the mill, woman falls in love with woman storyline that we see all the time.  Right?  Wrong.  The declaration of such a barren epithet rings as hollow as the naked emperor and his pronouncement of new clothes.  Otherwise, why would an entire realm of viewers, comprised largely of lesbians from around the world, create a 4,000 member social network centered on these two characters?  In a community marginalized by mainstream media, we are hungry for any representation other than sweeps ratings grabs aimed at the titillation of males in the 18 – 35 demographic. Ok, so you hooked me, I am invested.  I made a promise that wherever you take these characters I will follow with my consumer dollars. In exchange I get to see part of myself up on the screen.  I get to follow my struggle portrayed in a mature way that is loving, true, and honest…well, as true and honest as a soap opera can be.  I, as a viewer, have accepted my responsibility in this corporate relationship, and I would like for GL to accept their responsibility as well…and move forward.  I am no novice to the soap world.  I accept and embrace Agnes Nixon’s mantra of “make them laugh, make them cry…and make them wait.”  But in the angst created from the wait, don’t patronize me.  Don’t tell me there is a fine line to walk.  I carry in my heart the ones who walked this line in reality but were not strong enough to come out on the other side unharmed by society’s wrath.  Not only do I want truth and honesty in the storytelling, I want courage…the same courage so many of us don everyday to move forward in our own lives.  Do not bring me to the edge then leave me there to balance as you run back to safety.  GL, do not leave me in limbo.  Move forward and feed the hunger in my community.  I assure you there is no satiety in mere crumbs.

I guess I have to humble myself and come clean.  No need for Father Ray or Sister Anne’s private confessional; I freely admit it.  When I watched the OTALIA scenes today, I felt like my heart had been the one transplanted.  I sat there holding the one I am in love with, moved beyond words.  How do you write when the ability of cognitive thought has failed you?

Crystal Chappell’s performance at Gus’s gravesite was better than anything I have ever seen in daytime, rivals any classic film, and has no comparison in same-sex storylines bar none.  The emotion was gut wrenching and raw, and better yet, believable.  I could feel her soul being torn loose from within.  A cemetery is no stranger to demise, and aptly, Olivia was dying inside.

I am the self-professed OTALIA widow, a kinship I now know I share with a multitude of others.  I make no pretenses that I lament the time my significant other spends on the computer watching clips, downloading podcasts, and chatting with our big purple friends across the country.  I lost count the number of arguments started because I rolled my eyes or intentionally pronounced the acronym wrong.  Today, the sacrifice became worth it.  My cynicism fell to the floor as my tears fell from my eyes.  I followed my story performed before me with a passion and a vulnerability worthy of my struggle.

For the rest of this love story, I plan on sitting on the couch with my baby, fighting over the remote, wearing matching jogging suits, and finishing each other’s sentences.  The OTALIA journey will culminate in an ultimate destination we have never been before.  Hey, baby, scoot over.  I’m getting in.

OTALIA.  I know, it sounds like a character in some Shakespearean tragedy, but the real tragedy is that OTALIA is a soap opera couple.  This is not any soap opera couple, but a pairing of sex siren, Olivia Spencer, and self-martyred matron, Natalia Rivera.  This is the kind of coupling that makes men weep and lesbians lose their collective minds.  I get it, honestly, I DO get it.  Understandably, there is very little representative media out there.  Check out any lez Netflix queue history and you will find any and every badly acted, single camera, Telemundo budget, girl story ever made.  Copies of Imagine Me and You and Saving Face are viewed over and over and over again.  Those have happy endings and no one burns at the end.

That being said, I’m having a hard time accepting the fact that I have been essentially widowed by a soap character.  Damn you Crystal Chapell and your new gal pal Jessica Leccia!  You are VERY attractive women, and I understand the DESIRE to tune in, but this is going too far.  Weren’t all those male conquests enough, Olivia?  What, you ran out of men to play with in Springfield?  I understand, it’s a small town, and instead of recruiting you start playing for the other team.  Ok, but why couldn’t you have just hooked up with Doris?  Granted, OTALIA sizzles, but DOLIVIA is good, too!  Right?  You could have shared hats!  Hey, listen, I’ve got nothing against switch hitters, I used to pitch to a couple myself, but now you’re swinging in MY house!

Our dinner conversations once centered on politics and current events, now they center on spoilers and speculation that OTALIA grow increasingly closer.  That’s kind of hot…but …After-dinner clean-up seems to always include Saran Wrap and barely audible and mumbled commentary on a historical event and plastic wrap.  Huh?  Our nightly routine went from snuggle sessions on the couch to me sitting alone with the dog watching American Idol twice a week and trying to figure out from what planet Paula Abdul crash landed.  My girl is constantly on the computer perusing her “purple” passions and “Google-ing”  OTALIA and any new fix for her now addictive habit.  Her dinging Crackberry is now an instrument of the immediate fix.

Tired of fighting a losing battle I agreed to watch the entire set of clips starting back in October.  I have to admit, it IS pretty good.  That Crystal is a woman I wouldn’t have minded meeting in a former life.  However, I thought I was going to have to sleep on the couch when I said, “If she had a heart transplant, where is her scar?”  Don’t get me wrong, the cleavage is beautiful, but it seems Olivia’s is the only heart transplant done by laparoscope!   Also, why are they always folding laundry?  It’s kind of sweet and innocent and every-day family life in a way, though.  Thinking it must be some kind of aphrodisiac, I saved up a whole week’s worth of laundry and threw it on the couch…uh, nothing.  Nope, not an aphrodisiac…

Then on a recent episode, Olivia’s heart monitor starts beeping and Natalia gets her to the nearest hospital bed.  Tell me, why did Olivia have to have anesthesia to change the batteries in her beeper?  I digress.  Anyway, I took the batteries out of the smoke detector hoping my sweetie would hear the warning sound and whisk me off to the nearest bed…any bed.  She just popped in another 9 volt and answered the ding of her Blackberry.  I can’t win…but wait…

What’s that, honey?  Come snuggle up and watch WITH you?  OK…  Crystal is kinda hot and you know how I like all things Latin.  Wow, I like that little black dress and very nice shoes.  Olivia has a nice voice.  And those eyes, wow, you can see the love for Natalia.  Did you see that look?  And what’s up with that Frank guy, you bake a couple of cookies, have really bad sex, and he falls head over heels.  Frank-furter, what a wiener!  OMG!  Why did you wake up?  Pretend to pass back out, she’s so close you can smell the tuna noodle casserole!  Do you really think she will marry him?  Nat, don’t do it!  Do you think Olivia will stop the wedding?  Did you see that look?  Hey, baby, check your Blackberry, it just went off.  She so wants to take her and …uh, honey, can you go into the kitchen and get me a cookie and, uh, bring the laundry basket…

Whew!  Ladies (and gentlemen), for those of you who feel a little abandoned by your significant other and their OTALIA obsession, I encourage you to tune in together, pull up a little laundry, and watch the whole thing unfold…