And then it came to me…(with a little encouragement from a Twitter follower), the 1950′s Lucy and Desi beds…complete with their own set of handcuffs, and once again, not the good kind.

I love Otalia…

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Agnes Nixon is a woman with a set of ovaries.  I have always admired her brave forays into the tides of social antagonisms.  Now she has decided to tip her toe into the waters of social networking and blogging as www.agnesnixon.com

As the creator of my all time personal favorite daytime drama, All My Children, Ms. Nixon gave me more days of personal angst than I care to admit.  As a result, I was loathe to succumb to my own personal crises when I had a role model like Erica Kane!  As I was growing up in Atlanta, Erica Kane was the modern day Scarlett O’Hara that managed to use whatever means necessary so she would never go hungry or lonely again.

Ms. Nixon has chronicled her own mental scrapbook and virtualized it for all of us to enjoy.  We can now sit back and pick Agnes Nixon’s brain from the comfort of our own homes and smartphones.  The opening page is a video message from Ms. Nixon herself with a personal greeting inviting each of us to poke around and ask her questions.

I’ve got one…God, I hated Enid Nelson.  Why was she so damn mean?  Pardon my language, Ms. Nixon, but these are the characters we loved to hate.  The woman was pure evil in bad Junior League fashion.  And Brooke, she was such a tart.  I loved her as a motorcycle wench in a leather jacket.  What do you think of how her character turned out after you were no longer involved in the creative control of All My Kids?

Here’s a good one, too.  You have been credited with saying, “Make them laugh, make them cry, and make them wait.”  Have you seen Guiding Light’s OTALIA?  That CAN’T be what you meant?  Watching continental drift is painful.

Anyway, as Mary, The Soaps Examiner, and I have been discussing and reminiscing about the soaps of old, we decided that perhaps a page of retro soap memories were in order.  If the American soap opera is dying, why wait until it flat lines to have the wake?

So, I would love your thoughts on a retro soaps page where we can all wax philosophical on the days of watching while our grandmothers ironed…or the days we skipped school to see a hook-up because the VCR was broken.

Oh I remembered another question.  Ellen Wheeler, what was it like to have been involved in a socially controversial storyline about AIDS in the 80’s?  Did you feel the same sense of responsibility to a marginalized community involved when you proceeded with OTALIA?  I know that’s not a question to Agnes Nixon, but I thought she might use her influence.

One way or another, Natalia’s gonna get Olivia…

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Olivia’s not ready to make nice…

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Whether it’s Frank, pregnancy, or TPTB, something ALWAYS comes between OTALIA!

I have been thinking about the last month of the OTALIA storyline and Jessica Leccia’s welcomed return next week. Maybe it’s the thin air or perhaps one of my rare moments of cynic-less personal clarity, but I have been pondering that through no fault of her own, Jessica has at times become an afterthought…a sidekick of sorts, relegated to the background behind the shiny, attention-getting lead.  But when you think about it, what would Lucy be without Ethel, Diana Ross without the supreme Mary Wilson, and yes, John Adams without Abigail? A soliloquy.

Anyone watching Guiding Light over the past month can attest that without Leccia in her role as Natalia, the storyline became frustratingly disjointed.  As I asked before in referring to her maternity leave, how do you solve a problem like Leccia?  You don’t.  It’s like craving a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and you are out of peanut butter.  A jelly sandwich is ok, but without the foundation, it’s just sweet filler with no substance.

Without Leccia there is No-talia.  Jessica’s portrayal of Olivia’s same-sex better half brings a personality that compliments the diva dynamic and brings out what is paramount in the personified word.

Otalia’s chemistry is more than a simple equation that can be balanced by moving one element or the other, but a sympathetic understanding of the elements that compose the whole.  Without Natalia, it just doesn’t seem to matter, and chemistry without matter is undefined.

I am anxious to see Jessica back to work so that Natalia can finally identify the essential qualities of this relationship.  Having been forcibly infected with a sickly and situational IDK-itis and then impregnated with platitude, it is my desire that time (and maternity leave) is the cure for what ails.

Jessica, I have missed you.  And though Natalia’s blank stares have provided copious fodder for a myriad of recaps, I am anxiously awaiting her new found lucidity. Otalia without Nat just left me with O, as in Oh my god this is painful.  No second fiddle has ever left such a void in the composition.  I welcome your return to Springfield and the complex harmonic motion resulting in your reappearance.

If you can’t be with the one you love, then love the one you’re with…

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In the interview, Crystal is referring to her character, Olivia’s, near naked replacement romp with ex-husband Josh.  Even the most naive water-carrier saw this one coming.  There has been sexual tension between them for weeks, add that to a sexually denied Olivia, the heartbreak of a runaway love interest who is secretly pregnant with a Frank-furter’s baby, and you have the perfect daytime diva distraction.  Hell, if Gus were to suddenly come back to life after a covert undercover assignment with the CIA, I would call this the consummate long-term soap storyline.  Alas, Guiding Light has an expiration date, and that bulb burns out in about a month.

Can you honestly blame Chappell for wanting to shake her money makers a little bit?  She has been wearing restraints for months, and not the good kind.  Her character has been handcuffed so often, she is actually carrying them in her purse.

If nothing else from this article we can garner that the CBS censors are in full tilt.  I believe my previous suspicions are confirmed as even the body positions of this upcoming no-label-required tryst is interrupted by the powers that be.  While Chappell is permitted to take “the girls” out for a well deserved walk, the Standards and Practices allowance is apparently no top.  A simulated spoon is fine, but you better not fabricate a fork.

I have to ask, why?  The demise date on this thing is so close it’s beginning to smell, and CBS is worried about who’s on top?  Could this be corporate push-back to the audacity of hope?  My cynicism not withstanding, there is still quite a bit of hope out there.  Hope that if Josh can have recess with “the girls”, then perhaps at some point in the next month Natalia can come out and play.

Hey, I get it.  “The girls” are back in town but Natalia is not.  In this scene of the “weak”, it’s Josh who gets the booby prize.  What do you think the chances are when Nat gets back that she will get a little “cheek”?

Probably pretty good if you are thinking more face fondling.  At this point to consider any Otalia affection toward a body part other than the face cheek is just asinine.

Here is an excerpt, judge for yourselves.

crystalchappellHi Everybody! Weekend was eventful. Friday night was GL wrap party! Love those people! Starting to get weep

crystalchappellThen had girls weekend with my niece (whose attending Hopkins in the fall, proud aunt). Was amazing! You?

Reileen4@crystalchappell Working on the next painful NOtalia video recap…please tell us this ends at least with a kiss

crystalchappell@Reileen4 Can

crystalchappell@Reileen4 oops! I mean, can’t say that

Reileen4@crystalchappell No you CAN’T take that back – it’s on twitterverse now – you said CAN – Woooohooo! LMAO!

crystalchappell@Reileen4 Really. Can’t say that. Weep.

Could be nothing and just a long weekend talking, but I don’t believe it is insignificant.

Natalia is MIA, but we’re missing Olivia…

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