With so much well deserved attention placed on the recent brilliant Weinstein Brothers movie, Bully, and other school bullying campaigns of late, I thought it only fitting to focus on the continued bullying of our American political playground.  Yes, Amendment 1 passed last week in North Carolina, but who other than compulsive gamblers with a penchant for the underdog, would have bet against this constitutional carnage passing?  For god’s sake, it’s North Carolina, the last deep south, anti-gay amendment holdout, in a half-witted heyday of human hate.

Now, before I get the emails denouncing my own perceived prejudice that say, “Schmootz, not all southerners are like that”, I agree with you…just 61% of them according to North Carolina statistics.  And least you forget, I’m an expatriate of Miss Pittypat’s School of Southern Propriety and have the scars (both literal and figurative) of the ugly underbelly of homespun hospitality and so-called evangelical Christian kindness.

Last week, while most of the country’s media, both mainstream and social, was focused on the Tar Heel State’s imminent losing battle against LGBT bigotry, the Centennial State was engaged in a bit of a civil war of its own.  Yes, Colorado, another one of those mid-American fly-over states, was on the brink of human rights history.  With little advocating fanfare from other than those with a vested state interest, Colorado Senate Bill 2 was making its way through the legislature.  SB12-002 granted civil unions to same-sex couples unable to marry under the state’s DOMA, thus providing an additional 27 rights, enjoyed with little notice, by heterosexual couples legally wed in the state.

The Colorado State Senate, controlled by the Democrats, passed the bill with little fanfare, as it has done in the past.  The legislative kiss of death has traditionally been the path through the state’s House and its GOP majority of one vote.  Characteristically smug that the weakling bill would die a slow re-death in committee, the House leadership proceeded with business as usual, seeing little need to sharpen up their sticks and apply any poking political pressure.  But wait, back the bully truck up…

House Finance Committee member, B.J. Nikkel, a Republican, a musician and a woman, votes YES, and a collective GOP gasp echos through the purple mountains of Colorado majesty…yes, purple, check the song.  And just like an avalanche of unexpected enlightenment, committee opposition tumbles…Rep. Don Beezley, GOP of the the House Finance Committee, “YES”, Rep. Cheri Gerou, GOP Vice-Chair of the Appropriations Committee and another woman to blame, “YES” to civil unions.  All that is left is another reading of the bill and a full House vote, of which there are adequate affirmatives to pass, and all committed citizens of Colorado will have the same recognized state’s rights under the law.

But wait, back the triumph truck up…

…right over the hopes and dreams of thousands of gay and lesbian Colorado citizens.  In one of the most blatantly obvious bullying tactics I’ve ever seen in politics, the Speaker of the Colorado House of Representatives, refused to bring the bill up for a procedural vote, and called an extended recess to play around with the political football and let the clock run out on on equal protection.  Now to be honest, the Democrats participated in a little retaliation of their own killing a couple of Republican backed bills like the “how much is too much medical pot to drive” bill.  But come on, really, just look in the back seat and count the Doritos bags.

Picking themselves up and dusting the dirt from their clothes, Colorado equal rights activists reluctantly handed over their metaphorical lunch money to the gavel-holding gang barring entrance to the statehouse door and vowed one day soon to have an equal place at the table.  And guess what?  Do you hear that beeping sound of something big backing up?  Colorado Governor, John Hickenlooper, in response to the childish games being played in his back yard, makes a stand and calls the legislature back in special session.  Add to that President Obama being jerked out of the closet by grass roots pressure, Will and Grace, and his own Vice President, and maybe, just maybe, the sanctimonious Slushie is on the other foot, right?  Wrong.  The Colorado GOP Speaker of the House verbally kicked the geeky governor to the curb and assigned the civil unions bill to the hard-core Conservative Veterans and Military Affairs Committee where after quite a bit of name calling about bestiality and bromance, the bill found no joy and was killed in action just behind party lines.

What does this tell us?  Well, I would suspect little more than those playground bullies from our youth merely grew up to be statehouse bullies in their adulthood.  Back-boned by a well funded and fearful, yet focused, moral majority, these so-called representatives will continue to blacken the eye of justice (why do you think she wears that blindfold) as long as the masses are allowed to vote on the civil rights of the minority.

I sincerely hope the Weinstein Company puts together Bully 2, the behind the scenes documentary of our political system starring those adult authoritarians, and supported by the national media and advocacy groups that enable them, that use their unsubstantiated personal and religious beliefs to beat against a bully pulpit and bloody into submission those with a marginalized voice.  It gets better?  Not always…ask that gay kid and his prep school barber, Mitt Romney.

I promised myself that I wouldn’t do it, but I did.  I made a pact with me, all in the name of preserving my somewhat stable mental health, that I would NEVER again look at the results of the average American taking the citizenship test.  I failed, not because I am some kind of masochist, but because I am an eternal optimist when it comes to my fellow man…and woman.

Newsweek conducted a poll of 1,000 citizens of the United States, yes, REAL citizens, and asked them to take a mock citizenship test.  Now, the REAL citizenship test is much more involved, but this was a good attempt to give the participants an idea of what REAL Americans should know about our history and our government.  After looking at some of the answers, I am more convinced than ever that we live in an idiocracy!

Ok, because I am a glutton for punishment, let’s go over some of the answers.  A whopping 73% couldn’t answer correctly why we fought the cold war.  The answer is Communism, and it seems somewhat ludicrous in light of our now pandering relationship with China.  I would like to know, though, if anyone answered “global warming” to the “why we fought the cold war” question.

When was the Declaration of Independence adopted?  Well, 33% of those polled didn’t know it was July 4, 1776, but more disturbing, 6% of a thousand US citizens couldn’t circle Independence Day on a calendar…though they did enjoy the movie.

Sadly, 81% could not name a power of the Federal government.  Though I can see where some of my brothers and sisters would answer, “x-ray vision into our personal lives”, that is not a super power of the Fed.  There are several answers, print money, make treaties, declare war, etc.  I’m not too surprised the majority of people missed that whole declare war thing…seems like we are always zoning off to war without declaring much of anything.

Seventy (70) percent of REAL Americans don’t know the Constitution is the supreme law of the land.  And not surprising, 63% have no idea how many Supreme Court justices are on the bench interpreting it.  That’s a Citizens United decision of a more frightening sort.

On a positive note, however, because as I said, I am an optimist of my fellow American, 71% of the people do know that Joe Biden is our Vice President.  One can only surmise that he could have reached the 90th percentile mark had he shot one of his friends in the face.

I can think of a couple of reasons why Europeans and other world countries continue to kick our collective asses on history and government tests such as this.  One, Schoolhouse Rock is no longer a Saturday morning viewing staple between mind-numbing adolescent programming, and two, I will suggest, is the overwhelming have/have not disparity in the American school system that is not seen in most other industrialized nations.  A state budget balanced on the backs of our nation’s children is not the answer to closing this learning chasm.  As a science professional, I would like to impress upon our politicians that there is a whole other decidedly deciduous forest out there…if they will only look farther then their own privileged family trees.

Yes, I am a Left-leaner, a Liberal, a socialist, a pinko commie (though most Americans don’t know what that is), or possibly a Progressive…you apply the moniker, I don’t care.  What I do care about is this land that I love, our hesitance to have an honest discussion about funding our future, and the path we are Jay-walking down as a nation.

Lately, I have been off doing (in the words of the folksy tea-bag vernacular) “sciency stuff” like measuring snow pack in the western Rockies and recording temperature readings at high altitudes.  Yes, this data will be used and shared by non-partisan federal agencies such as EPA, USGS, and the Forest Service.  The public is often remiss in its belief that scientists are all bleeding heart Liberals with an anti-corporate agenda meant to destroy the free market as we know it.  Many, however, are card-carrying Conservatives with definite right-of-center political leanings.  We have many politically debatable moments above the tree line, but one thing we can all agree on is the earth is warmer.  It’s just a scientific fact.  This many independently gathered numbers just don’t lie…unless your only criteria to argue against climate change are papers funded by Exxon Mobile and the American Petroleum Institute.  Remember when “Joe Camel” and his political allies argued that smoking tobacco was not addictive or unhealthy while enlisting R.J. Reynolds’ data as proof?

As we sit on a rock ledge overlooking the beetle-destroyed Colorado pine forest, due in part to a high altitude temperature too warm to control the swarms, my Conservative colleagues and I hypothesize that the numbers of climate deniers seeking media and microphone attention will be directly proportional to the snow fall totals in Washington DC.  The scientific method prevails again…as the precipitation increases, the more the flakes begin to appear.

Fox News’ Sean Insannity:

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Sen. Jim Inhofe’s (R-OK) little family of grandchild neo-cons mugged for the camera and mocked Al Gore by building an igloo on the National Mall.  Let me guess, home schooled?  Now THAT’S family values you can believe in.

Sen. Jim DeMint (R-SC):

There are more idiotic examples from Sarah Palin, Michele Bachmann, and Glenn Beck, but quite frankly, I can’t stomach any more of the stupidity.  There are many reasons to explain the snow in February, the least scientific of course is, uh, it’s WINTER.  Add on top of that the warmest January in the history of the planet (it’s a fact; look it up whether you believe man saddled dinosaurs or not), the fact evaporation of moisture from the oceans is increasing, and production of more water vapor in the air.  More moisture equals more snow.  No matter how hard you wish it wasn’t so or how many times you click your heels, Dorothy, 2 + 2 will always add up to 4.

My lament is that science can certainly predict stupid, yet science just can’t seen to crack stupid…yet.  Perhaps Sean Hannity can be persuaded that giving his body for research is the Right thing to do.