Oy vey! GL, did you really do it? Is Natalia really pregnant? I would love to win a fabulous dinner off my partner, but I admit it would be bittersweet. Yes, I bet her an expensive dinner at the restaurant of our choice that Natalia was going to end up pregnant with the Frank-furter’s baby. I called the old soap ploy from the first inkling of the suggestion; Nat throws up. I hope I am wrong, but all indications for now point to a knocked up Nat.
I’m usually pretty savvy that way because I have been a lesbian more years than I will publicly admit. I’ve seen a multitude of attempts at trying to portray my life, but sadly, they always come up just a little bit wanting…as in wanting less cliché, wanting fewer platitudes, and wanting more than a few crumbs thrown my way. As a result, my first inclination is to jump to the obvious conclusion, but I have to ask myself have you planned it this way?
I admit am skeptical that once this boulder is in motion there is little force to stop its Newtonian progress. There are rumors about false positives and “pregnant doesn’t always mean baby”…well, I think the latter is disingenuous and opens a Pandora’s box of controversy with this character. A false positive is something I gave little consideration considering Proctor & Gamble would never allow one of it’s well place products to come up short in accuracy. I gave it little consideration until yesterday when Natalia picked up the aptly disguised “OPT” box. There is no OPT, just a very cleverly and legally defensible transformation of a competitor’s product. Is this a cheap ploy to ramp the rhetoric of a marginalized community and check the temperature of its fever pitch? Pregnant or pregnant ploy, how is either one of these plot devices loyal to the representative narrative you set in motion?
I am the biggest cynic south of the stratosphere, but I have to give you credit. This storyline began beautifully. I even called the label-less approach genius as we could apply our own labels according to life’s lessons learned. The slow, quiet build was a traditional soap ploy that worked. It gave us time to buy in with little preconceived notion…even those of us who resisted for so long couldn’t deny there was something there, something different.
What happened? That glacial soap movement soon turned into something just short of continental drift. OTALIA became the melodramatic Pangaea. De-sexualizing this couple out of whatever corporate pressure you are under anesthetized the pace. And now you are impregnating or simulating the impregnation of Natalia as a logistical answer to Jessica’s maternity leave? I cannot begin to tell you how many ways that is insulting whether plot or ploy, but I can offer you a few suggestions on how an alternative would bring about a better result and a happier ever after…especially since this thing is a wrap in a month. Who knows, this is a soap, and things change. Depending on which way the public or corporate wind blows, Natalia could wake up from a very bad dream of failed pregnancy tests and soap fan blow-back.
Ok, why not have a little fun, shall we? It’s healthier than ranting about how pathetic another stereotypical and trite, pregnant, lesbian couple, that can’t stand alone as an independent family unit, is portrayed on TV.
4-Week Arc Suggestions Better Than Pregnancy
Kidnapping – Blake and Doris concoct a scheme of misadventure to create Doliva and Nake, their very own portmanteau.
A coma – Father Ray is the Prince of Darkness and sucks the life out of Natalia. He’s got a good start; just allow this over-bearing element of the storyline to continue to suck for the next month.
Buried alive – Natalia gets wrapped up in one of those huge scarves and is stuck in her closet for a month.
A fat farm – Considering the only cooking going on between Nat and Olivia is limited to what comes out of the cookie pan, Natalia needs more hiking.
Demon possession – It’s not quite as trite as lesbian pregnancy and it gives Father Ray just one more reason to damn Natalia to hell.
Cloned – No, that would ultimately create an Olivia sandwich, and since they can limit the eats to only cookies, then CBS would never go for that.
Unexplained Illness – IDK-itis manifests as a four-week blank stare.
Now, these are only a few suggestions quickly thrown together by a non-professional. I realize the point is probably moot now the Frank-n-bun is baking, but come on how long did it take you to sit in a room and come up with pregnancy? I just can’t fathom how even a potentially pregnant OTALIA would fit into the deserved ideal of canceled happily ever after.