Eclipse…True Blood on Training Wheels

twilight poster

Ok, I admit it.  I saw an early screening of Eclipse.  I know, I know, I can feel the accusatory fingers of friends pointing in my hypocritical direction, but I must preface this by saying I became involved in a spur of the moment charity event.  A friend of mine was having difficulty filling a theater she had promised the distributor would be a sure sell-out for Gulf Relief.  I am a sucker for all things philanthropic and have a particular knack of helping people part with their money for a worthwhile cause.  I find most people are genuinely giving…and if that doesn’t work, guilt and intimidation never fail me.  Before I get into my blog, as this is a story about viewing the movie, and not about the tragedy off our southern states, I will say that we ALL have to begin to recognize the “I” in environment.  From the plastics we use, to the food choices we make, we all feed our collective crude addiction.  I’m not asking you to sell your car or live in a muc hut, but small choices do make a cumulative difference.  Now, on to the movie.

As I don’t live under the proverbial rock, I am familiar with the Twilight series of teen/young-adult vampire romance novels penned by Stephenie Meyer.  As reading preference goes, I simply prefer the more mature Sookie Stackhouse novels, The Southern Vampire Mysteries.  Eclipse, or partial eclipse for me as I have never seen the previous installments, is a bit of True Blood, the mature-audience HBO Stackhouse series, in training.  There is the love triangle of the confused and vulnerable female lead and the two males who love her, there is the vampire/werewolf antagonist truce called to protect the mortal heroine from extinction, and there is the good verses evil aspect…well, sympathetic evil versus non-sympathetic evil.  Alas, Twilight hasn’t gone gay yet, but let the box office plummet, and I predict the receipts will not be the only thing going down. 

Eclipse is exactly what I thought it would be…a sterilized underworld for the PG-13 crowd as there is no real hemorrhagic carnage when the undesirable vampires explode, there is age and gender specific dialogue to inspire giggles, hoots, and squirming at sexual situations, and of course, well-chiseled teen male bodies shirtless though out the movie.  What I didn’t expect was all the glandular Twilight madness from women in their, well, more twilight years.  I don’t believe I have ever seen so many overly processed coiffures of pre and postmenopausal “poofs” in my life.  I would say that my experience was a people watcher’s dream, but ladies, the tight “Team Jacob” t-shirts and the short-shorts were a bit of a nightmare.  And for all you Constitutional scholars out there, I think you will agree that bedazzled spandex is a privilege, not a right. 

All in all, the movie was entertaining and provided me with blog fodder.  I want to thank the generous and patient 14-year-old who sat next to me.  She was an observer’s delight and gracious (and patient) enough to provide me with background and fill the holes of my limited Twilight experience.  Other than my suggestion of Lost Boys on Netflix, we talked about the environment, our responsibility to it’s stewardship, the affects of an Eclipse on aging hormones, and the most pressing wildlife issue of the night…the unfortunate over-population of Cougars.